About three years ago I got hooked on watching house flipping shows, which were quite the rage at the time. I became absolutely convinced I could sucessfully flip a house. This coincided with some major events at work that changed the way we would operate from now on. I became very sad about my future career opportunities and started feeling as if I had nothing to look forward to. I decided the answer to all my problems was to become a house flipper.
Now in case you aren't familiar with the term house flipping, it means to buy a home for a very low price, usually a foreclosure, then bring in a crew of workers to clean it up, renovate and modernize it, and quickly sell it for profit. Some people make quite a comfortable living doing this. The more I studied the business, the more I became convinced I could do it.
So in 2007, Kitty and I went to the county auction one day, and I bought my first flip on my lunch hour. I went into the venture stating that if I broke even, or if I at least did not lose my shirt, I'd be happy. The house went on the market and my first open house occurred in April, 2008....the day my mother died. Fortunately for me, The Amazing Kitty put on her real estate hat and pulled off the open house for me, and got an offer! It wasn't as much as I'd hoped, but Mom's death meant that I had a lot of unexpected things to deal with and the economy was just starting to unravel, so I took the offer and felt lucky to get it. I walked away feeling good about the whole experience.
Well, the recession has peaked, and the economy is starting to look up again. I'm starting to feel the urge to try again. I learned so much during the first flip that I really feel I can do it now. Like when you cook a new dish for the first time, and think "next time I can make that even better".
But more importantly...if I don't do it.....I think I'll always regret it. I never want to think I had a dream once, but I didn't believe in myself enough to try. I'd be happier trying again and failing, than looking back one day when I'm retiring at age seventy-something, getting my gold watch from the company, and thinking "What if?".
Well, I'm here to tell you. "What if" isn't going to cut it for me. "What if" is starting to turn me grey inside.
So, to my support team who gave creative advice, encouraged me, and held my hand through the first flip... prepare yourselves.
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
The following two "Detach" journal entries will give you a crash course:
"An Answer to a Prayer" dated Nov 1, 2008 "How Did We Wind Up Here?" dated Nov 2, 2008
About This Journal
In 2008 I had the life changing realization that there was a name for what I'd always felt was "wrong" with me. After 20 years of thumbing through various self-help books. I learned about codependence.
I began writing this journal to document my journey out. Over time, it's evolved into something more. While I still talk about codependence (I know now, it will never totally leave me), this blog has turned into the thumbprint of my life; a therapeutic journal for me to sort out a lifetime of thoughts and memories. I believe in being honest with myself and others, and when something is bothering me, I reach out. With a support team of strong, smart women surrounding us, we can all continue to grow. I'm trying to live my best life, in pursuit of a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.