I'm sick and tired of the situation I am in. I feel that I've exhausted my friends, my "Detach" readers, and even my therapist, Kate. I feel that everyone around me is thinking, "Oh Lord. Here comes a text or a call or a blog entry from Mary. Run for your lives."
The problem is, I don't know what to do to fix it. I truly, truly don't.
None of the solutions I can come up with seem to be good ones. No answer seems to be the right one. Try as I may, pray as I may, I can't figure it out. I can't figure out if God is ignoring me, because the timing isn't right, or some little piece of the puzzle isn't complete, or if He is giving me my answer and I'm just too stupid to realize it. Or maybe just too stubborn to listen to it. I swear I don't know which.
I don't know the answer, I don't know the answer, I don't know the answer! But I'm so tired of the way I am living. I'm so tired of constantly being in turmoil.
Lord, you know me better than I know myself. You know the pain I am suffering. You know the thoughts that constantly race through my troubled mind. You know the sadness, fear, frustration, and confusion I feel. Please God, give me the answers I need. Make them crystal clear. Give me strength to accept them if they are not the answers I want. Give my friends the patience to continue to put up with me. Guide me Lord...I'm so confused.
God grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.
12 hours ago