Sunday, October 19, 2014

Sunday Reflections

Possibly my favorite part of the week is Sunday morning. It's one of the rare times I am alone in the house and things are perfectly quiet. Well, I'm not alone, but my husband is at work, the kids are sleeping and all is quiet. 

I always pour a cup of coffee and sit in my favorite chair with my two old lady cats curled up against me. During cold weather months I am able to wear my favorite white fluffy robe. I can think. My head is clear. I can relax--I have given myself permission. I am able to meditate, and reflect on the past week, and the new week ahead. Where do I see myself? Where do I want to be? 

So however you choose to spend your Sunday morning, I hope it is peaceful and relaxing. I hope I hope it inspires and makes you stronger. Happy Sunday. Peace.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Ham Salad

Tonight while I was making ham salad, I was oblivious to the fact that my good friend Rebecca was accepting that her beloved mother is dying. This is the same Rebecca who received a cancer diagnosis for her 50th birthday. Thankfully she is currently cancer free, but now facing this. 

I am convinced that losing your mother is one of the most life altering things that will ever happen to a person. Certainly it was for me.

My heart is breaking for Rebecca. I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. 

How insignificant my ham salad now suddenly seems.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Tell Her I'm Sorry

Ever since my children were born, one of my biggest fears is that they would inherit the alcoholic gene. It is prominent on both sides of their family. 

But now something new has surfaced. What if my kids aren't alcoholic, what if they are codependent? 

Last night my son attended a homecoming dance. Late in the afternoon he asked if a friend of his could come home with him after the dance and spend the night. My immediate reaction was "Sure, yes". But the more I thought about it, the odder the situation got. 

The boy in question has been friends with my son for a long time. I know he has been drinking at parties for the last year or so. I started to suspect the reason the boy was coming here after the dance was so he would not have to face his parents. I let my son know that the boy was welcome here, but that I was not hiding him or covering up for anything. As the evening went on and the dance was underway, the boy's mother texted me, verifying the story that the boy was spending the night. At that point I was positive something was going on and I was not the only suspicious party. I texted my son to inquire if the boy was still coming here. He said he wasn't sure, that the boy has been drinking heavily and he didn't know if he felt like dealing with him. I dozed off and was awakened by my son coming in the front door...alone. Simultaneously I received a text message from the other boy's mother saying "Tell your son thanks for getting my son home safely". My son then asked me to please relay to her that he "was sorry--he couldn't stop him, and he tried to take care of him".  The first codependent thing to come out of one of my children's mouths?  What is my son sorry for?  And how sad that he had to spend his homecoming night taking care of this boy who consumed a pint of Heaven Hill?  The boy's mother replied that she was just thankful her son was home safely. 

I had a talk with my son this morning, and told him I was very proud of him. He did not let his friend pressure him into bringing him here and hiding him for the night. He realized if he did that, he would be caretaking all night. He wasn't up for that. Also he told me his friend is angry with him now because he says they don't  spend time together anymore. I told my son that was a guilt trip in an attempt to try to get him to bring him here for the night. I told him it was likely his friend would not even remember saying that saying that today.

My son is a much stronger person than I. Of course I am still hopeful he will not become an addict himself, but now I am also hopeful he will continue to be independent and strong, and not become an enabler for those who choose who abuse. 

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

On This Day

On this day in 1983 I married my first husband.  Today would have been our 31st wedding anniversary. 

Naturally I think about it every year. Almost every year the weather is fabulous. I could probably count on one hand the years when it was rainy or overcast. Today was no exception. 

Sometimes it feels like that marriage never happened. It seems like it happened to a different person--not me. For the first few years after we divorced I felt a little bittersweet on this day. Glad to be free from the betrayal, the lies, and the drama, but sad at the loss of my marriage. 

Then there was a period of not thinking about it too much one way or the other. During the years when my children were small and my life was hectic, I didn't have time to think much about it. Today I've thought about it a lot. 

Sometime around the year 2000, he was involved in a terrible car accident. When I last spoke with his family, a year or so ago, they told me he had undergone19 surgeries since that accident. I didn't ask about him too much, but I am guessing he is disabled now and unable to work.  I can't help but think how different my life would be if I had stayed with him. For starters, I would have likely been involved in the accident. His wife was with him at the time. I am thankful to God I am out of that situation and out of that marriage. My life has not been perfect. At certain times it has been very hard. But I certainly would not change it for that life. 

So today I am feeling thankful. Very thankful to have the life I have.