Happy Fucking Derby

 Well… Here it is. Derby week. 

There's a lot I want to say right now. I'm in a bad fucking mood. But I don't want to talk. I don't want to write.  I'm tired. I am lonely. And I have a really bad attitude. 

Fuck this shit.

Half A Year

In a few days, I will have reached the six month mark of having these itchy bumps on my skin. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would still be battling this strange affliction six months later. 

Granted, the rash is not nearly as bad as it was in the beginning, nor is the itching. But the bumps that continue to come are very itchy, ugly and annoying. Some hurt. There are dark spots all over my forearms. I don't know if it is discoloration from inflammation or if they are permanent scars. 

I'm tired. Trying hard to stay positive and keep a good attitude. Some days I do a better job than others. 

I'm just so tired.

Lies

I feel like my entire adult life is been shrouded in a series of lies. 

I've been lied to so much that I'm not sure what is true anymore. It is very hard for me to trust anyone.

If it weren't for my children, I'm not sure what would happen to me. Sometimes they are all that keeps me going.