I'll Pick You Up At Six And I Won't Take No For An Answer

Don't you hate it when people put you on the spot?  

This is especially hard when you are a people pleaser, so often times you end up committing to things you don't want to do, or if you are able to muster up the nerve to say no, you find your self rambling on with an excuse about why you are unable to accommodate them. 

I struggle with this, but I have made improvement. I am learning that just because someone asks you to do something does not obligate you to do it. And it does not obligate you to give an extended explanation of why. 

This is something that does that not come naturally for many of us. It is something that requires work. It all ties in with being independent rather than codependent. You are responsible for your own decisions and your own happiness, not the decisions and happiness of others. 

We All Gotta Eat

Nothing can live unless you feed it. Not a plant, not an animal, not a human being. So think about this:

Hallelujah!

For the past 25 years I have spent my life trying to change people. I've written about it many, many times in this journal.  This compulsion intensified steadily as the years passed. I believe it came to a climax with my first Detach entry. 

You know how sometimes you have a bad headache, then you take some aspirin, and a little while later it hits you that your headache is gone? That's how this seemed to occur to me. I recently realized I have pretty much stopped trying to change other people's behavior. By far, the area where I have made the most progress, is accepting the fact that I can not, and will not ever change another human being. No matter how beautiful I am, no matter how sweet and nice I am, no matter how mean I am, no matter how smart I am, no matter what! I honestly, truly believe that for the past 2 1/2 years, I have embraced this fact and live by it. I remember distinctly the day I crossed over. 

There is still plenty for me to work on, but what a burden off my shoulders to know that I don't have to keep fighting. What an intense relief to just let them be. I may not always like what they are doing, but letting go of the need to control is the greatest gift I have given myself in many, many years. It is very liberating to just let people live the way they want to live. 

It's A Fresh Start

The past couple of weeks have been about returning to normal life. The Christmas decorations have been taken down and put away, and after an extended winter break due to sub zero temperatues from the polar vortex, the kids are back in school. 

The focus at my house this new year is on positivity. We have all agreed to look for the good in any given situation, and try to overlook negativity. 

This sounds easy, but it's actually very difficult. For some people more than others. For my son, this is completely natural. He finds the good in practically everything. And I dare say, he is the person in our home who is most at peace. The rest of us have varying degrees of difficulty. 

It's often so much easier to succumb to darkness. To see the half full glass as half empty. To feel hopeless instead of hopeful. To dwell on the bad things that happen in day to day life, rather than focusing on, and being thankful for the plethora of blessings we receive on a daily basis. And I'm not really sure why that is. I believe that to a degree, we condition ourselves to be that way. I think one part of it goes back to that basic tendency to focus on other people and other situations so that we don't have to focus on ourselves. But if we ignore the things that other people are doing, we have more time to think of how we can be better people. 

Since this is a big topic in my hose right now, I hope to write more about it in the days ahead. 

Happy Sunday everyone. 

When We Were Fifty: Addendum

Something important occurred to me today. When I wrote the entry titled "When We Were Fifty", I somehow left out a major life-changing event that occurred between ages 40 and 50. The death of my mother. This event impacted me probably more than any other one single event in my life.  

I would be negligent and incomplete if I did not acknowledge the fact that this event had occurred during this time.