Sunday, August 25, 2013

My Mom

Yesterday I was cleaning out a drawer, and I ran across a photo of my mother and me. By the looks of my hair style and dress, I'm thinking it was taken in the mid  '80s, just before my mom had her first brain aneurysm. 

Sometimes it's very hard for me to remember my mom the way she looked in that photo. Still young and vibrant. She was not much older than I am right now when she first got sick. Funny, but at the time she didn't seem that young. Looking at that picture today, she does. 

This leaves me with a myriad of feelings. 

It makes me want to take better care of myself so I can live longer, and have a better quality of life than my mom had....It makes me mad that she could not, and would not lay down the cigarettes that would ultimately kill her....It makes me feel for my dad, who had to spend so much time caring for her instead of traveling and doing what he wanted to do....It makes me very sad, because I miss her terribly. 

I just paused for one quick moment that day, so my dad could snap our picture. I didn't know how much all our lives were about to change.  I wasn't  thinking how 30 years later, that one little photograph at the bottom of a drawer full of junk could bring out so many feelings. 

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Just A Number?

This whole turning 50 thing just continues to interest me. 

Two of my classmates were battling cancer when they turned 50 earlier this year. Neither of them even knew they had cancer at Christmas time. Now another classmate suffered a stroke this week, just 11 days after his 50th birthday.

Like it or not, I think 50 is a milestone. Even if you believe it's just a number, your body knows otherwise. It's time to start taking care of ourselves, eating right, getting exercise, and recognizing. warning signs when our body gives them to us. 

The whole concept of "I'll lose weight one day", or "I'll start working out one day", is no more. You can no longer ignore high blood pressure, or other risk factors that could literally be putting your life in danger.

So far, all three of my classmates stories have had a happy ending. The two cancer victims are now cancer free. And the one who suffered a stroke recognized the early warning signs, and got help before he suffered devastating effects.

Yeah, 50 is just a number, but it's a number we can't ignore. Our bodies are changing, and if we want to see 60, we have to respect that.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

I See The Bad Moon Risin'

When the moon is full, it shines through the blinds in my bedroom. When I lay down on my bed, I can usually see it very clearly. 

The moon is full tomorrow, and has been peeping at me for two nights now. 

I'm full of emotion tonight. A friend's daughter moves into her dorm at college tomorrow and I watched her cry her heart out tonight as the realization hit. She's very excited, but that reality of leaving home hit hard tonight. 

Also, the stress of the kids going back to school has taken a major toll on me this year. Financially, I am tapped out. Emotionally, I am drained from working out logistics non stop for the past few weeks. 

I wouldn't say I've become a lunatic, but the moon has captivated me tonight, and I definitely feel its powers physically pulling on my body and my mind. 

Monday, August 12, 2013

It's A Celebration!

I'm so very, very happy for my dear friend Scarlett. She achieved something major--something she's worked very hard for. Way to go, Scarlett. You deserve this break. 

Hello? Hello?

When you feel so small, and this world seems so big, and the tasks in front of you are so overwhelming, don't you just feel like you need a teeny tiny phone to call for help?  
I do. 

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Reel It In

There's a problem with being a codependent, and a people pleaser. When you start caring for yourself and stop trying to constantly please others, you then begin to worry that everyone around you is either disappointed in you, or angry with you. 

That's messed up.

Friday, August 9, 2013

August 50

In July a friend of mine turned 50. He's not a reader of Detach, but I told him about my 50th Birthday series, and he immediately agreed to write an article for me. 

Then, things got complicated. 

The guy has really gotten caught up in his thoughts, and has decided he has quite a bit to say on the subject, so he's still working on it. He promises to produce something soon. In the meantime, I will move forward with my August 50. 

Kat and I have been friends since 8th grade, and throughout the years,  we've never lost touch with each other. 

About 4 years ago, Kat became a widow, left alone to raise a teenage son. The two of them moved from the home where her husband had spent so many months sick, and where he ultimately died. They bought a new place and started a new life. I know there were some hard times at first, but they persevered. 

A year or so ago, Kat downloaded a weight loss app on to her phone. A few months later she had shed 50 pounds. Then Kat found a new passion. She started volunteering at the local animal shelter. A job she loves. 

I had dinner with Kat the night before her birthday, and she told me she was excited about turning 50. She said she's never felt better in her life, and having known her most of her life I can tell you she's never looked better. She's radiant! She just glows with happiness. But here's the kicker...that happiness comes from loving herself. It comes from feeling confident and being healthy. You see, Kat doesn't have a romantic partner in her life and she will be the first to tell you she is perfectly fine with that. I am absolutely certain that the key to her contentment is being happy with who she is.  She's  not waiting around, desperate for another person to validate her or make her feel important. She's important to herself. 

Oh to bottle that. 

To be so happy with who you are that you don't thirst for constant validation from others. That is true independence. It's relaxed. It's fun to be around, and its sexy. 

Go Kat!  You really are rockin 50!

Tuesday, August 6, 2013