Saturday, October 26, 2013

September 50

I realize it is the end of October, but due to my procrastinating, and lack of enthusiasm for writing, I neglected to post my September 50 birthday. 

My dermatologist and I have had a lot of banter over the past 15-20  years. He is three months older than me. We constantly tease about age. I saw him in September for my yearly skin check, and he immediately started off with some comment about me being 50. I told him I didn't hit that milestone until December. But! I remembered his birthday was in September. He laughed and told me he had just had his birthday a few days before. To quote my doctor "Everyone here at the office dressed in black that day. They had black balloons and streamers everywhere. They loved it. Turning 50 was no big deal to me. As long as I can still get out on the golf course, I don't really care. I just let them have their fun". 

After a clean bill of health (thank goodness), I was ready to leave. He wished me luck on my milestone and said "Hope I don't see you again until next year". 

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Loose Lips Sink Ships

I did something really stupid tonight. I lost my temper and exploded at my husband in front of my son. This is something I've rarely done. Usually I can hold it, but not tonight. 

I'm embarased and ashamed. 

I feel God is forcing me to a new place in my life. I don't want to make a change. But maybe if a change comes, there could be peace for us all. 

Feeling extremely sad tonight. 

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Are The Skies Finally Clearing?

It’s been the strangest few weeks.

You know that feeling you get when it’s rained, even stormed for a really long time, and you start to feel it’s going to rain forever, then it suddenly stops? The skies slowly begin to clear. The clouds are still above you, but you see clear skies, maybe even the sun in the distance?

That’s how I feel inside.

I feel as if I’ve crossed over in to some new chapter in my life. A lot of things have happened to me. For the past weeks I’ve felt numb about writing. There was just nothing in my head. But now I feel like I’m feeling like the skies are clearing, and I’m beginning to know where I want to go. I may not be there yet, but maybe I at least know where I’m going.

I’m on vacation for the next couple of weeks, and hope to be able to write. Don’t give up on me.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Blank Cards

I been doing well moving forward. Have been walking every day, working out with some weights, and counting calories. I feel a lot better. 

I don't feel inspired to write though. Every time I think about writing, I think of those pretty greeting cards you get at the store that are blank on the inside. That's just kind of how I feel right now. Just blank inside. Nothing to say, nothing to express.

Friday, October 4, 2013


I've come to the end. It's time for me to say goodbye to my food and alcohol binge of the past several weeks. 

I'm sick of it now.