Every week on "Losing It" with Jillian Michaels, I watch Jillian set goals for a family, leave them, come back 6-8 weeks later, and see the results, which are usually pretty astonishing. These people are not at the Biggest Loser ranch, they are at home, following the diet and exercise regimin found on jillianmichaels.com. Each week I think, "If those people can do it, so can I", yet the next week I'm still sitting on the couch, one or two pounds heavier than last week, eating ice cream, feeling depressed, and getting nowhere.
I'm sick and tired of having my "muchness" gone away, and I believe I'm finally ready to get back in the zone. I'm ashamed to admit, that of the 14 pounds I lost over the winter, I've gained back 9. I'm ready for the return of My Healthy Mind, My Healthy Body.
So beginning tomorrow, and for the next six weeks, I'm embarking on a personal mission. I want to prove to myself that I DO have control over what I put in my mouth. I DO have the ability to get back on the treadmill, and most importantly, I CAN get over this depression, and I CAN get my muchness back. This is something I've been planning for a couple of weeks, and at first I was going to keep it to myself, just in case I failed. But I decided that was a silly notion.
Now I don't expect to lose 40 pounds like the people on the show, but I'm am curious to see just how far I can push myself, and what I can acheive in six weeks; not just in weight loss, but in returning to a healthier place. Of course, I'll be documenting my progress right here in Detach.
So here's My Plan: I'm already a member of The Biggest Loser club, and I'm going to stick with their program. It's easy for me to follow and there are a lot of delicious food choices. My primary exercise will be the treadmill. I'm shooting for 5-6 times a week, 30 minutes each time. I will walk at 3-4 miles per hour and incorporate two one minute sprints during each walk. For strengthening, I will use my new Shake Weight, and will do crunches on my exercise ball. I will limit myself to no more than one diet soda per day, and will be drinking iced tea and water instead. I plan to limit my alcohol intake to a maximum of two drinks per week, with the exception of an upcoming Summer Brunch I have planned with Scarlett.
Right now I'm stoked and I feel like nothing will stop me. Realistically, I'm worried about three things. One: Stress, both at work and at home, makes me want to eat something comforting. Going through with eating something comforting makes me want to say "Eff it all". I can't let that happen. When I feel stressed I am going to try to exercise instead of eat. Two: The weekends. I'm used to eating pizza on Friday night. At 400 calories a slice, I have to eliminate that. The weekends are a rough time for me as far as being disciplined, and can often turn into a free for all where I start thinking "I'll start over on Monday". Three: Being taken off guard. Someone brings Krispy Kreme doughnuts to work, or someone rings the doorbell with a plate of homemade dessert while I'm feeling weak. Right now, as I begin this challenge to myself, those are my three biggest fears, and the areas where I need to be the most cautious.
This is a great test for a codependent person. To try and prove that when I feel I can't control anything, there's one thing I DO have control over....myself. It will be interesting to see if I can pull it off.
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
The following two "Detach" journal entries will give you a crash course:
"An Answer to a Prayer" dated Nov 1, 2008 "How Did We Wind Up Here?" dated Nov 2, 2008
About This Journal
In 2008 I had the life changing realization that there was a name for what I'd always felt was "wrong" with me. After 20 years of thumbing through various self-help books. I learned about codependence.
I began writing this journal to document my journey out. Over time, it's evolved into something more. While I still talk about codependence (I know now, it will never totally leave me), this blog has turned into the thumbprint of my life; a therapeutic journal for me to sort out a lifetime of thoughts and memories. I believe in being honest with myself and others, and when something is bothering me, I reach out. With a support team of strong, smart women surrounding us, we can all continue to grow. I'm trying to live my best life, in pursuit of a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.