I know I said my letter to Young Mary would be the next entry, but Sally had her letter written before I could even start mine....and I absolutely love it! Get busy, readers! This is a great topic.
Dear 20 Year Old Self,
It’s hard for me to remember exactly what you were like, it’s been such a long and evolving journey. I’ll do my best to help you out, but I wouldn’t want to change any of the experiences you will have. Let’s see, about right now you have purchased your first house and are living with your husband. You feel like you are living the American dream. I know that you are still in a lot of pain because of the experiences you had in your childhood. That anger you feel will serve you well in life later. Know now, that it can be turned around to be a positive fuel in directing your future. I know how in love you are, and how happy it makes you feel to be so close to someone. I know now also that it is what you need right now, and that it is filling that void inside that you feel. You will have a lot of adventures with your love, go many places and see so many things. You will even move, far away, and that experience will feed your growth even more. I just want to give you a few pieces of advice without giving everything away. Believe in yourself and your abilities, your confidence is low, but believe me when I say that one day you will be fierce and confident. Know that when you have really tumultuous times, that it will get better. You will stay strong and you will survive. In the end you will conquer more than you ever know. Learn to eliminate negativity from your life sooner than later. There will be many times when you want to hang on to something for all the wrong reasons, and you can save yourself many months of waste by listening to this advice. You are beautiful, inside and out, believe that. You might have to find that through external validation, but never beat yourself up because of it. You just are where you are right now, and that doesn’t mean you will always be that way. Cherish your friends, they will be your strength and your comfort throughout your life. You will be blessed with many friends. I don’t have to tell you to cherish your mom, I know you already do that, and you will continue to do that throughout your life.
This one is important. I know you are thinking that you never want kids because how could someone with so much anger and internal conflict to work out ever become a mother. You will find a place of peace, and you will be able to be a better mother than you could possibly imagine.
Above all, know that with great pain, unimaginable healing can occur. Out of the depths of sadness, there is a journey that can lead to a brilliant light. You will learn that you never stop growing, and that life is a constant evolution.
I love who you are now, and I know that you will love who you become.
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
The following two "Detach" journal entries will give you a crash course:
"An Answer to a Prayer" dated Nov 1, 2008 "How Did We Wind Up Here?" dated Nov 2, 2008
About This Journal
In 2008 I had the life changing realization that there was a name for what I'd always felt was "wrong" with me. After 20 years of thumbing through various self-help books. I learned about codependence.
I began writing this journal to document my journey out. Over time, it's evolved into something more. While I still talk about codependence (I know now, it will never totally leave me), this blog has turned into the thumbprint of my life; a therapeutic journal for me to sort out a lifetime of thoughts and memories. I believe in being honest with myself and others, and when something is bothering me, I reach out. With a support team of strong, smart women surrounding us, we can all continue to grow. I'm trying to live my best life, in pursuit of a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.