Well look at you young Mystical...still living at home with Mom & Dad, trying to figure out if you truly want to continue going to college. Your heart really isn't in it and your grades are slipping so you've lost your pell grant money. How in the hell do you think you'll be able to pay for college with your meager bingo jobs and fast food experience? The only thing that you are positively certain of is that you are totally and very deeply in love with the only man who seems perfect for you. You are so lucky to have met him when you did...he was there for you when you had to deal with your parents issues...he makes you feel safe and secure and you can trust him with your life. Sure, he has issues, who doesn't and I'm here to tell you that those issues will always be there. He will hurt you but not the way most partners hurt each other. When he clings to you, it's because he needs you, you are his light...not to suffocate you. Because of who you are, you won't speak up...you'll choose to keep the peace and ignore the lonliness in your relationship and it will come to a head but no lines will ever be crossed and the only thing lost will be the time that you both spent only loving each other and not really being in love with each other. When you get there, don't look back with regret of lost time, just move forward and enjoy the fresh feelings that you will experience once you start to open up like you should. You just won't believe how easy it is to get that new in love feeling back and with the same person you've been with for over 25 years! Sorry honey, no kids in your future...it may make you sad at some point but I promise that you will happily accept it, especially once your little sister starts popping 'em out. There's really no room in your life for children...it sounds harsh to others but it doesn't really matter what others think now does it? You'll have 3 beautiful German Shepherds and a Belgian Malinios to take care of and they will love you and protect you fiercely and bring great joy to your life. You'll get to raise a litter of pups and that will be an incredible experience. My final advice is to keep your head up...be safe and always alert because it's a crazy place to live in right now...don't ever become a sheeple and always, always, always stand up for your right to protect yourself...there are those out there who want to take that freedom away from you but don't let them. Remember to live in the moment...life is way to short. There will be plenty of heartache to come...it's simply a part of life and when you think about it, life would be pretty boring without it. And finally, as a tribute to my dear friend Mary...Rock on Sister!
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
The following two "Detach" journal entries will give you a crash course:
"An Answer to a Prayer" dated Nov 1, 2008 "How Did We Wind Up Here?" dated Nov 2, 2008
About This Journal
In 2008 I had the life changing realization that there was a name for what I'd always felt was "wrong" with me. After 20 years of thumbing through various self-help books. I learned about codependence.
I began writing this journal to document my journey out. Over time, it's evolved into something more. While I still talk about codependence (I know now, it will never totally leave me), this blog has turned into the thumbprint of my life; a therapeutic journal for me to sort out a lifetime of thoughts and memories. I believe in being honest with myself and others, and when something is bothering me, I reach out. With a support team of strong, smart women surrounding us, we can all continue to grow. I'm trying to live my best life, in pursuit of a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.