Yesterday I made a time consuming and expensive attempt at cooking ribs for the first time. I thought I knew what I was doing, and I just knew the ribs would turn out perfect; falling off the bone delicious. They did not.
I tried something new and failed at it. Then, I beat myself up for hours. I criticized myself, I questioned where I went wrong. Did I buy the wrong cut of ribs? Did I mess up the recipe? Did I cook them too long? I could not let it go. My family was very forgiving. They ate as much they could of the tough pieces of leather, but filled up on the various side dishes, and then off they went. But me--I was relentless with my beating. My husband even said "You'll do better next time", to that I quickly replied "There won't be a next time!!".
If someone else had cooked the ribs and they didn't turn out, I wouldn't have batted an eye. Live and learn--better luck next time. But when I made the mistake--no let up. No forgiveness.
Reason #3 I fear change: I don't know how to forgive myself when something goes wrong.
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
The following two "Detach" journal entries will give you a crash course:
"An Answer to a Prayer" dated Nov 1, 2008 "How Did We Wind Up Here?" dated Nov 2, 2008
About This Journal
In 2008 I had the life changing realization that there was a name for what I'd always felt was "wrong" with me. After 20 years of thumbing through various self-help books. I learned about codependence.
I began writing this journal to document my journey out. Over time, it's evolved into something more. While I still talk about codependence (I know now, it will never totally leave me), this blog has turned into the thumbprint of my life; a therapeutic journal for me to sort out a lifetime of thoughts and memories. I believe in being honest with myself and others, and when something is bothering me, I reach out. With a support team of strong, smart women surrounding us, we can all continue to grow. I'm trying to live my best life, in pursuit of a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.