Growing up, things were always pretty consistent at my house. The alarm went off at the same time every morning. My mother got up first and started the coffee. Then Dad would get up and they would sit at the kitchen table for a bit, then Dad would get ready for work. While he did, Mom would make his lunch and fill his Thermos with coffee. A kiss, and Dad was gone for the day. Next, Mom got me up, made my breakfast, and then, off to school for me. When we returned home later that day, the house was tidy and dinner was cooking. I could go play with my friends, but I knew that Dad would be home, and dinner would be on the table promptly at 5:00. Fried meat, a potato, a vegetable and ice water. This was the way it was every weeknight of my life.
We watched the same shows every week. The Carol Burnett Show, The Flip Wilson Show, Sanford & Son, Good Times....my Dad liked to laugh. He didn't enjoy watching sad or serious television shows. It was always light and clean during television time at our house. We watched a lot of baseball, and we watched boxing.
We took vacations, but they were calm, and low key. My dad liked "scenery". We ate at restaurants, but never where alcohol, or even beer was served. Mostly the Ponderosa.
We moved only once in my life, at the end of third grade. Once we got to the new house (where my Dad still lives to this day), there were three other girls my age, and me. We played every day. I still keep in contact with one of them. Their lives were just as consistent as mine. Or at least they appeared to be.
Because of the move, I went to two different elementary schools. After that, middle school for two years, and then to a private school where I stayed through 12th grade. My Dad worked at the same place from the late 1950's until the early 1990's, when he retired. My mother worked before I was born, but other than one short stint at a part time job which I ruined for her with my whining and complaining (I didn't like the change), my Mom stayed home.
Routine, consistency, safety. That's how I grew up. There wasn't a lot of change going on in the Hatch household. So.....
Reason #1 I fear change: It wasn't part of my life growing up. I wasn't accustomed to it.
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
The following two "Detach" journal entries will give you a crash course:
"An Answer to a Prayer" dated Nov 1, 2008 "How Did We Wind Up Here?" dated Nov 2, 2008
About This Journal
In 2008 I had the life changing realization that there was a name for what I'd always felt was "wrong" with me. After 20 years of thumbing through various self-help books. I learned about codependence.
I began writing this journal to document my journey out. Over time, it's evolved into something more. While I still talk about codependence (I know now, it will never totally leave me), this blog has turned into the thumbprint of my life; a therapeutic journal for me to sort out a lifetime of thoughts and memories. I believe in being honest with myself and others, and when something is bothering me, I reach out. With a support team of strong, smart women surrounding us, we can all continue to grow. I'm trying to live my best life, in pursuit of a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.