My Shrunken Head Collection

I've been rather depressed for days now. I'm tired, going to bed early, and just overall kinda "blah". As I mentioned in my last post, I was off from work on Wednesday. My son was graduating from his elementary school (5th grade), and I got to the ceremony about thirty minutes early to get a good seat. As soon as I sat myself down, I began to feel big tears well up in my eyes.

Let me back up. During the ride over to the ceremony, my very sweet son explained to me that during the ceremony he would be given a flower. His instructions were to present this flower to someone who was important in his life. He told me he didn't want my feelings to be hurt, but he wanted to give the flower to my Dad. So I guess I was thinking of what a sweet gesture that was, then I started thinking of the obvious absence of my mother from this ceremonial day, and how much she adored my son. Then I started thinking how my baby was growing up, and I guess it was inevitable that the tears would start to fall.

Next, my anxious thoughts started racing, and by the time the ceremony was over I was banging on the door of a full blown anxiety attack. The only thing that kept me from busting the door down and charging in was that I practiced my breathing techniques Dr. Eve taught me.

Fortunately, I had an appointment with Dr. Eve immediately after the ceremony. By the time I got there, both my armpits were soaked with perspiration, my hands were shaking, and my crying was uncontrollable. By then my thoughts had turned to my unfortunate situation at work, so everything was swirling around in my head like the cyclone scene from "Wizard of Oz".

"Look at my armpits! I'm shaking all over! I can't breathe! I'm so MAD! I miss my Mom! I'm worried about my Dad! My baby is going to middle school! What about those poor kids who didn't have anyone there to give their flower to? How sad is that?! I'm so MAD! My husband doesn't understand! My boss is a bitch! My world at work has been turned upside down! Everything I do lately is misunderstood! I'M SO MAD, AND I CAN'T STOP CRYING!!!!!"

Dr. Eve had her work cut out for her, but within about five minutes she had me relaxed and I was able to sort my thoughts and quit crying. She told me that on top of the anger I was obviously feeling, I was also experiencing so much grief. Grief for the loss of my mother, grief for the loss of "my baby", and grief for the place where I worked for 25 years, and the way things used to be there. Suddenly, I didn't feel so bad. At least there seemed to be some reason(s) for my insanity!

I'm so glad I'm seeing Dr. Eve. She's helping me in so many ways. Thank you Sally, for hooking me up with her. I'm feeling less tired and depressed and am looking forward to relaxing this weekend. In the weeks to come, Dr. Eve and I will continue to work on relaxation techniques so that in the future I can calm myself down from those anxiety attacks. We will also begin "Bio Feedback"; the technique my "migraine doctor" recommended to control stress and anxiety.