Step Four

Step Four:

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

Not surprisingly, this is a Step I haven't worked much. From what I've read, I'm not alone. No one likes to take a hard look in the mirror. Codependents REALLY don't like it. We much prefer to watch (and judge) what others are doing.

Melody Beattie writes "In a searching and fearless inventory, we look for what is right about ourselves and our values. We look for the wrongs we have done too. But also included in this moral inventory are our self-defeating behaviors and the moral issue of whether or not we love ourselves."

A few months ago I would have blamed every problem in my life on my husband's drinking. Since hitting my wall, I have made some small strides, but I've got a long way to go on this Step.

• I have a lot of love, and my ultimate desire is for me, my family, and friends to live happy, healthy, and peaceful lives (just like my fictional namesake, Mary Bailey)!
• I consider myself a very good mother.
• I consider myself a very good manager.
• I've never felt like a very good wife....either time.
• I've been a good daughter. Not great; good. I'm harder on myself than my parents would be.
• I have a serious problem with trying to change people and/or control their behavior.
• I have always been attracted to men that I will ultimately try to change or fix.
• I consider myself a true, dedicated friend.
• I don't like it when I don't get my way.
• I like to be in control all the time. I despise feeling out of control. I despise it.
• Sometimes I don't like myself. Sometimes I like myself a lot.
• I want to get better.
• If I can help other people get a little better in the process, that's icing on the cake.