Pondering

I had an interesting conversation with my husband last night. We talked about a lot of strange things. A few of them were things I never thought we'd talk about. But we did. Anyway, the conversation eventually lead to a topic that I've brought up a hundred times in the past. I mentioned how I hate when people try to get things over on me because they think they are smarter than I am, and that I'm too dumb to notice. This is nothing new. I've mentioned the same thing many times in this journal. It's deep rooted in me, and born out of a resentment of being lied to, and cheated on for the better part of my adult life. I told my husband that I've often pretended not to notice things people have done, or just chosen to ignore them, even when they were right under my nose. After some deliberation, my husband said "I've certainly never thought you were stupid. It's just that your personality....." then he froze for a moment, as if to think of just the right words, "...your personality makes it really easy for people to feel comfortable deceiving you".

I'm sorry, but what the hell does that mean?

I've thought about this all day. I keep going back to counseling sessions from the early 1990's, when I was going through my divorce, and working with my first, and very favorite therapist, Scott. He once told me that he felt an overwhelming need to protect me. I may be a lot of things, but I have never pictured myself as vulnerable. I have certainly never felt naive. People often tell me I am a strong woman. Kitty tells me that all the time. So does Sally. So what piece of Mary are others seeing? What part of me is so weak that some feel the need to be fiercely protective of me, while others see me as someone they can easily (and comfortably) take advantage of?

I'm going to have to ponder this for awhile, because I'm really puzzled by it.