Saturday, July 28, 2012

Keep Moving, Keep Breathing

I don’t like change. I’m more receptive to it than some people, but overall…I don’t like it. I’ve been with the same company for 28 years, I’ve known many of my friends since childhood. I get hysterical at the thought of someone I love moving out of town. I’ve only owned a handful of cars in my life, and only lived in a few different places. I like familiarity. I like things to be constant.

But in life, things can’t always stay the same. Sometimes they have to change. Sometimes people do move away. Sometimes cancer interrupts the annual birthday lunch you have become accustomed to. Sometimes families and relationships have to change too. They dissolve, or maybe just the dynamic of them changes. Either way, that’s a big one. When that happens, it’s hard to swallow. Even if it’s a necessary change, it’s not easy.

So for a person who is resistant to them, the life changes I am experiencing right now are bittersweet. I asked for them. I initiated them. For the past year now, I’ve been convinced I wanted them—and I did, but that doesn’t make them any easier.

I don’t have a lot to say right now. I’m just trying to focus on what’s best for me and my kids, and my husband. All four of us are important, and all four of us deserve to be happy. It’s a bumpy road, and it doesn’t feel familiar to me, but I’m forging ahead anyway.


Gordon said...

I think the important thing to remember about change is we like it until we get to a point where we're content, or in some cases, happy. Some people never get there, and they crave change forever. I choose a little peace and quiet, rather than a constant battle for a mysterious something that may never happen.

I think you're doing what you need to do.

Mary said...

As you know, I did not understand the choice you made for a very long time. But I am starting to. You are correct; many of us bounce around like a pinball, constantly changing, in search of that mysterious something that may never happen.

Somehow I feel we will all land on our feet in the end.