What Are You Getting Out Of This?

"As a dog returns to it's vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."
-Proverbs 26:11

Why is it we often make the same mistakes time and time again? At some point, we must be getting some pleasure from them, or we wouldn't keep repeating them. This is the advice I was given by a wise friend tonight. So we need to think, what is it that lures us into this same trap every time? What is the the attraction? And why is it so strong, we are willing to cause ourselves pain and suffering just to get it?

In the past, my bait was always a sexy bad boy I hoped to fix. None of them ever wanted to be fixed, and of course this never worked, even once, but I was willing to stick my head right into a steel-jaw trap to get the chance. Even though the end result was always heart breaking for me, the pain was worth the exhilarating initial high.

I no longer have the energy to attempt fixing anyone. I'm tired. But I do wonder about my motivations. What payoff drives me to make mistakes today? I think it's an interesting question, and I intend to ponder it for awhile. Maybe if I can figure out the motivation, then harvest that feeling from a positive source instead of a destructive one, I just might be on to something!