I've spoken dozens of times in this journal about my racing, out of control thoughts. I've described them as a tornado in my brain, and feeling like my finger is in a light socket, among other things. Today Kate told me I can control my thoughts. What an interesting concept. I'm not quite sure I believe her, but it's interesting nonetheless.
Do we really have control over our thoughts? Is having irrational, distorted thinking a learned behavior, or is it something we are just wired to do? I've been sitting here trying to ponder this. I don't believe I had distorted thinking as a child, so maybe I did condition myself to do it. Maybe it was analyzing specific events over and over in my head; looking for a reason or justification for them that caused the incessant thinking, I don't really know.
Madison thinks it has a lot to do with an overwhelming need to be in control. You never want to be taken off guard or appear to be stupid or vulnerable, so you are constantly thinking....analyzing. Preparing yourself for the worst at all times. A defense mechanism that eventually turns around and attacks you. I think she's very right in this theory.
So I've been given some exercises. Things to do when I feel myself starting to think too much...starting to obsess. Exercises that are supposed to distract me from what I'm over thinking. I can't wait to see if it works.
Happy Birthday, Mama
12 hours ago