Quickly I discovered that keeping all negative comments to yourself is much easier when you focus on one, maybe two or three people, and leave everyone else out of the loop; particularly co-workers. Any way you slice it, it's hard to keep negative thoughts from impulsively shooting out of your mouth. Hard, but I have to say, it made me feel good.
So the next lesson? Kindness. The Bible keys in on the importance of kindness. "Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." Kind people find favor wherever they go. "The Love Dare" breaks kindness down into four categories.
You are tender, even when you have to say hard things. This is where I struggled with Day One. I had to talk to my son about a missing homework assignment. I thought "How can I handle this without saying anything negative?" The key is you speak the truth in love and make it a little easier to hear.
Kindness enables you to do things to help others without feeling your rights have been violated or you are being "put out".
Instead of being reluctant or stubborn, you cooperate, you stay flexible.
You often have to make the first move. The first smile, the first kind word.
It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness.
In addition to saying nothing negative again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
The unexpected gesture is a walk in the park compared to holding my smart ass comments inside for another day!!!
Oh, and for the record--I'm quite aware I missed a day in between Day One and Day Two. I gave myself permission.
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
The following two "Detach" journal entries will give you a crash course:
"An Answer to a Prayer" dated Nov 1, 2008 "How Did We Wind Up Here?" dated Nov 2, 2008
About This Journal
In 2008 I had the life changing realization that there was a name for what I'd always felt was "wrong" with me. After 20 years of thumbing through various self-help books. I learned about codependence.
I began writing this journal to document my journey out. Over time, it's evolved into something more. While I still talk about codependence (I know now, it will never totally leave me), this blog has turned into the thumbprint of my life; a therapeutic journal for me to sort out a lifetime of thoughts and memories. I believe in being honest with myself and others, and when something is bothering me, I reach out. With a support team of strong, smart women surrounding us, we can all continue to grow. I'm trying to live my best life, in pursuit of a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.