Mrs. Mike Brown

When I started writing this journal there were a few things I knew I'd have to write about one day. My Mother is one, Mike Brown was another.

In the summer following third grade we moved to the house where my Dad lives now. That's where I discovered someone who would become a pivotal player in the game that is my life. I didn't know it at the time, but this person would elude and haunt me forever. This is where I met Mike.

Mike lived in the house directly across the street from us. His parents and mine became friends and were together a lot. Mike's sister Sherry was seven years older than me and I looked up to her. She became a mentor to me and was like an older sister. She was very kind to me and I thought she was great. Mike was four years older than me.

Almost instantly I formed a crush on Mike. When my girlfriends and I would play school, Barbies, or our favorite, Sisters (four sisters who lived in an apartment) I would always be Mrs. Mike Brown or Mike's girlfriend. As we grew up I was too old for play pretend but my love for Mike didn't go away. To me he was wild and untameable. He drove a loud, black Mustang Mach One, that I could hear coming from way down the street. The car was loud and so was his music. When he'd pull in the driveway late at night I would always get up out of bed and watch him get out of the car and go in the house. He had a cute cheerleader girlfriend who I despised. How could she possibly appreciate Mike?? I was always just too young for him. I was always the little neighbor girl from across the way. He hardly seemed to notice I was alive.

When Mike's sister Sherry was about to get married I was asked to be in the wedding. I was about 13 or 14 at the time. We had all been to the rehearsal dinner. I don't remember how it happened but Mike gave me a ride home. I finally had my chance to profess my secret love but of course I didn't. Riding in the black Mustang was one of the most exhilarating things I'd ever done. I still remember the sundress I was wearing and how I felt sitting in that black leather seat that vibrated under me. Somehow I believe something was unleashed in me that night. I had the equipment but I was just too young to come on to him but I knew right then and there that one day I wouldn't be.

The night of his senior prom Mike was outside and everyone was taking pictures. Someone yelled, "go on over Mary and get your picture made with Mike". Even though I thought my love was a deep secret, I think everyone including Mike had to have known how I felt. Having our picture made together with his arm around my waist was one of the highlights of my life up to that point. The photo turned out great. Right about that same time Mike gave me one of his senior class photos. He wrote some things on the back and I'm not exaggerating when I tell you it was my number one most prized possession for years. I still have both of those photos in my special box.

By the time I got old enough that our four year age difference wasn't so drastic, and I actually DID know how to come on to a boy, Mike was getting married. He married a short, stocky butch looking girl named Tippy. Tippy??? WTF??? For the life of me I could not understand what he saw in her. She was very manly and had a gravely, raspy voice. I was devastated.

Shortly after that they had a baby. By then I was engaged to my first husband, David. I accepted the fact that Mike and I would never be, but that didn't seem to matter. The whole time I was married to David I had dreams about Mike. In my dreams I was always trying to get to him. "I'm old enough now, where are you Mike?" I think the fact that nothing ever materialized between us made him some sort of a saint to me, at least in my psyche. The worse things got with David the more I dreamt about Mike.

By the time I divorced David, Mike had two children and had moved to Atlanta with Tippy. I was in my prime. Late twenties, my own house, decent job, great body, great looks, and believe me when I say I had perfected the art of seduction. No way in hell I'm going to waste my chance if I get another ride in that Mustang! But the Mustang was gone, and I never got the chance.

Mike is now divorced from Tippy and living back here. I'm told Tippy was an alcoholic and he couldn't take it anymore. His youngest daughter lives here with him. He came to the funeral home when my mother died and I truly had butterflies. He is still as handsome as ever.

My mother told me that during a rough patch in his marriage, Mike once said "I should have waited for Mary." How bittersweet. I still have dreams about Mike to this day. I suppose he represents a lot of things to me. Timing is everything.