Monday, August 3, 2009

Afterthoughts

Sometimes during counseling I would hear myself spill things out and suddenly mysteries made sense. Writing this journal has the same affect on me.

I guess my ongoing adult fascination with Mike Brown is due to the fact that I never had a relationship with him, so in my mind he represents my adolescent ideas of the perfect man. Since I never actually dated or married him he never had the opportunity to disappoint me, cheat on me, lie to me, or piss me off. In my mind he has remained perfect and untainted all these years. Our night time dreams are full of symbols. I guess during the rough patches of my life, my unconscious mind uses Mike Brown to represent Mary's idea of the perfect man. Wild, untamed, young, hot, and unattainable, but someone who has never hurt her.

Mike Brown is not someone I want to let go of. At least for now I'm going to keep him tucked away safely in my dreams.

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