Must We Always Learn The Hard Way?

People who are sick with alcoholism and other addictions have no idea, nor do they care, what their behavior is doing to those who love them.

I work with a woman who seemingly has little problems in her life. She and her husband are in their late 50's and very young at heart. They never had children, they get along great with each other, and are pretty much content as any couple I know with their lives.

The husband's brother is a train wreck. He, his wife, his daughter, and son-in-law are all drug and alcohol addicts with anger and violence problems. In the past two or three years their lives have spiraled out of control. There are fights, restraining orders, court dates, custody battles over a small child, and more drama than an hour at Wrestlemania. I've watched as these sick people have inch by inch, reeled my friend and her husband smack dab in the middle of their insanity. The effect it's had on them has been alarming. They are arguing with each other over who's side to take, what action to take, and what they need to do. There are 3:00 a.m. phone calls with screaming, fighting people in the background and assorted family members instructing them to listen to how the other ones are behaving. There are cars parked in front of their home in the middle of the night that have been reported to the police as stolen.

I've tried to explain to my friend about codependence and how it would be best to let the family know that they want out of this vicious sideshow. I can tell you right now, it's not going to do any good. My friend and her husband are very loving, very caring people, who want nothing more than to be able to fix this situation for their family members. I dread seeing the price they are about to pay in an attempt to accomplish that feat.