Addiction Is Addiction

My wonderful sister-in-law, Kitty is in Las Vegas right now, on business. She called from the casino at Rio this afternoon to check in with me. At some point in the conversation she made the comment, "I don't know which is worse, a gambling addiction or an alcohol addiction." The answer to that question came to me instantly. In fact, I was just reading something on this very subject earlier this week.

An addiction is an addiction. While drug and alcohol addictions may have the most obvious ill effects on people, I believe they are all equally devistating. They all can take a physical toll on your body, they all control your thoughts, your actions, and your mood, your entire family.

Today is the first official day of Derby for my husband and me, and we officially played our classic roles as alcoholic and codependent, and let me tell you we fell into them in the blink of an eye.

I'm not going into details because what happened was ridiculous. We both acted absolutely ridiculous. I will say that both our behaviors were so classic and so deep rooted, that they poured out like a song we'd practiced and sung a thousand times. After our spat, we parted ways. He got in his car and said "see you at the house in a minute", and I came home. That was an hour and a half ago. For about the first hour or so I beat myself up, thinking "if I wouldn't have acted the way I did, he would have come on home. Instead, he's so pissed off he's going to drink to spite me." What's worse, I found myself doing a very dangerous thing. I put my kids' day on hold while I was freaking out. For a few minutes I wouldn't let them go outside or have a friend over (I got over that one fast!) I wanted to start calling his cell phone to find out where he was, but instead I started reciting the Serenity Prayer over and over until I convinced myself not to call and that whatever decision he makes today is his own and I had nothing to do with it.

The next 8 or 9 days can not go by fast enough for me. Yes, Kitty.....addiction is addiction. No matter how far I've come since October, I've got a helluva long way to go on the road to beating mine.