Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Little Notebook

Something interesting happened today. I was cleaning out a box full of papers, and found a little notebook Kitty had given me sometime ago. There was only a little bit written inside the notebook, but I quickly realized it was a precursor to "Detach". I started writing this journal before I had made the decision to write a blog. Here's what I wrote:

For sometime now I've known I need to make a change. I don't know how. I feel like there's a giant jigsaw puzzle on the table before me, and all the pieces are there, but I have no idea how to begin to put them together. Then I realized I just wish my husband would fix everything and put it together for me!  I prayed to God as I drove to the bookstore that he would guide me to something that would help. I suspected it would be something in the codependent section. I found "Codependent No More".  When I got home I mentioned how I was feeling to my friend Marty Marr. I told him I'd been book shopping.  He said he'd hoped I bought "Codependent No More".  I felt excited that I may have picked the right book! 

Oh my Lord!! For the life of me I truly cannot believe no one has ever walked up to me, shoved this book in my face and screamed "Read this!!"  It's me! Maybe my prayers have been answered! 

I truly do believe my prayers were answered that day at the bookstore. "Codependent No More" was the gateway to me finding myself, and starting a journey of healing and recovery. Some days are still hard. Some days are just bad. But I do feel I've come a long way. I feel happier than I have been a very long time. Some days I still feel lost. But I'm growing every day, and I never want to go back. I just want to keep moving forward. It's hard. And sometimes it's very sad. But I know I'm making the right decisions and I feel good about the ones I've made. 

Life is complicated.

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