Sunday, March 20, 2011

Is It Any Wonder?

Leave it to Sally to catch this, but in the previous post (R.E.S.P.E.C.T.) she pointed out that while the entire entry is about my fear since childhood of marrying a man who would control me and not allow me to make decisions for myself, I still wrote that my husband "lets me" do what I want, and I mentioned that Mike Brady "lets" Carol Brady have a maid. So even though I am commending these men, I am still implying that I (or Mrs. Brady) have to have permission from them to make decisions!

Ain't that some shit?

I'm not saying that either partner should run around doing everything they want without consulting the other. After all, marriage is just that...a partnership. But consulting and asking permission are two different things. It seems even though I have my husband's blessing on most decisions, deep in my head I still see it as having to gain permission; even though that's one of the core things in life and marriage that I say I want to avoid.

I'm not sure that my head and my heart are in the same place. Is it any wonder I'm a swirling mess of anxiety and depression much of the time?

No comments: