This week I have watched a good friend of mine, struggle to deal with an addict. The results are textbook. My friend is very organized, very together, and very much likes to be in control. Recently, she's found herself thrown into the ring going head to head with her prescription drug addicted brother-in-law, and she's just about to lose her mind.
For privacy, I won't go in to too many details, but everytime I speak with her, another past Detach post runs through my head. "Oh, I remember writing about that". She admitted herself that dealing with him is like Einstein's definition of insanity; doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. She's at the point right now where she must accept that no matter how much he needs to, he's just not going to suddenly "do the right thing". It's just not going to happen.
My friend has talked with me several times about this situation and at first I found Codependent Mary trying to help her figure a way to manipulate this guy into doing what she needs him to do. I must say I was getting pretty creative in my tecniques. After sitting quietly for a long time, listening to us go on and on, my husband finally broke his silence and pointed out what we were trying to do. It hadn't even dawned on me to that point, but then suddenly it was crystal clear.
My advice to my friend at our next meeting will be to stop trying to control the behavior of this person, because it's doing nothing but frustrating the hell out of her. She must accept "what is" and figure out a way to deal with it.
I wish her peace. That's a tough pill to swallow for people like us.
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