Sunday, November 4, 2012

Back To Reality

Today is the final day of my two week sabbatical. As usual, it was a much needed break from work, and day to day routine. Going back to the real world tomorrow actually feels a little scary to me. For two weeks I haven't had to feel rushed or overwhelmed. I have been able to sort through a lot of emotions and feelings, and I made progress: at least in a couple of areas.

I'm trying very hard to take some advice Kitty gave me. To live in today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow, or next week, or next year. Just think about where I am today, and what I need to accomplish in this day. Just like AA--one day at a time. Easy does it. Only for today.

Life is continuing to present me with sometimes big challenges. Of course it does; I am still living with an alcoholic. Every time I hear the garage door open, there is a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, wondering who will walk through the door. Will it be Dr. Jekyll? Will it be Mr. Hyde? That is never going to change as long as we live under the same roof. And that is a choice I have made, at least for now. So I will keep coping. I will keep living in this day. I will take care of myself and my kids, and to hell with the rest. I will live my own life, and I will try my hardest not to be affected by Mr. Hyde's screwed up world of insanity. I will stand firm by my decisions, which were not made lightly. I will never go back. I will keep moving forward, no matter how hard it is some days. I will continue to pray for guidance. I will trust my decisions. I will continue counseling, and to rely on my friends, who mean the world to me.

That's where my head is today.

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