Just like a basketball, when an addict is on a downhill spiral, they will usually not bounce back up until they have hit the bottom. But standing around waiting for that to happen can be a long and excruciating process. And hitting the bottom usually involves something very traumatic, costly, and dangerous. Sometimes you need to bring the bottom to the addict by setting boundaries and enforcing them. The addict will only do to you as much as they are allowed to do, but they will push you and push you and push you as long as they can get away with it. Draw your line in the sand, letting them know what you will, and will not tolerate from them, and then (here's the tricky part) be prepared to stick to it.
For an addict, it's all about "me". I cannot stress this enough. They don't want you to stand up to them, and they don't really think you will. Not for long anyway, because they are masters at knowing how to change their behavior long enough to get back in our good graces. They know just what to say to get us off their back. They know the words and the threats that work on us every time. They have them stored in a bank, ready to withdraw them and use them against us when we become irritating and annoying. Whining and empty threats annoy the hell out of an addict, and they don't do any good. You don't want words, you want actions. Find your strength and your power; it's in there. Use it.
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
The following two "Detach" journal entries will give you a crash course:
"An Answer to a Prayer" dated Nov 1, 2008 "How Did We Wind Up Here?" dated Nov 2, 2008
About This Journal
In 2008 I had the life changing realization that there was a name for what I'd always felt was "wrong" with me. After 20 years of thumbing through various self-help books. I learned about codependence.
I began writing this journal to document my journey out. Over time, it's evolved into something more. While I still talk about codependence (I know now, it will never totally leave me), this blog has turned into the thumbprint of my life; a therapeutic journal for me to sort out a lifetime of thoughts and memories. I believe in being honest with myself and others, and when something is bothering me, I reach out. With a support team of strong, smart women surrounding us, we can all continue to grow. I'm trying to live my best life, in pursuit of a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.