I had looked at the school calendar at least two dozen times. I had "First Day of School, August 18" practically tattooed on my arm. It was on my calendar at work, it was on my calendar at home. On Monday night I went to Open House. I met my children's teachers. As we left, all of them said "See you on Wednesday". But on Tuesday when I went to get haircuts for the kids, every bit of logic and reason I knew flew out the window. My hairdresser asked why the kids weren't in school. I told him they started the following day. He said "Really? Are you SURE about that? My son goes to Catholic school and they started today. I'm pretty sure ALL Catholic schools in the district started today". Then he questioned my son's haircut, coming back with "My son has to have his hair cut above the ears. Are you SURE you know what you're talking about with this longer, Justin Beiber-like cut?".
Believe me when I tell you I became an obsessive compulsive train wreck. It didn't matter that I had read the haircut guidelines OUT LOUD....TWICE the night before. It didn't matter that everyone in the school said "See you Wednesday". At that moment, sitting at the hairdressers, I was the new Baptist mom starting my first year of Catholic school and I didn't know anything!!! Why oh why didn't I have an iPhone??? At one point I almost called Scarlet's office and asked her to throw all her work aside and bring up the school's website to verify both pieces of information for me....but I didn't.
I forced myself to trust myself for once. I forced myself to ignore the overwhelming irrational fear I was having and just trust myself.
School did start on Wednesday as I thought, and the haircut was fine. I don't know what part of me is so insecure that I want to think everyone, even the hairdresser knows more than I do. I'm pretty sure Dr. Eve would say it's my Child Self, and well....she just needs to go take her nap.
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
The following two "Detach" journal entries will give you a crash course:
"An Answer to a Prayer" dated Nov 1, 2008 "How Did We Wind Up Here?" dated Nov 2, 2008
About This Journal
In 2008 I had the life changing realization that there was a name for what I'd always felt was "wrong" with me. After 20 years of thumbing through various self-help books. I learned about codependence.
I began writing this journal to document my journey out. Over time, it's evolved into something more. While I still talk about codependence (I know now, it will never totally leave me), this blog has turned into the thumbprint of my life; a therapeutic journal for me to sort out a lifetime of thoughts and memories. I believe in being honest with myself and others, and when something is bothering me, I reach out. With a support team of strong, smart women surrounding us, we can all continue to grow. I'm trying to live my best life, in pursuit of a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.