My First Attempt

I've been told more than once over the past several years that it would be beneficial for me to seek counseling. The first person to suggest it was a family counselor my husband and I visited about 8 or 9 years ago who said she wouldn't even see us again until my husband sought treatment for his alcohol addiction. "Oh, and by the way...it wouldn't hurt for you to go to Al-Anon." Another person very close to me who is an adult child of an alcoholic also suggested it. "You need to forget about what he's doing and start taking care of yourself!" Then finally, after some education about alcoholism and an early failed attempt at sobriety in the late 90's, my husband said (in his usually not-so-subtle way) "Maybe you need to stop worrying so much about what I'm doing, and focus on yourself."

As I mentioned before, that really pissed me off. After all, I was the sane one. I was holding down a full time job and raising two young children. I was responsible for everything! I was the glue that was holding this family together! How could I be the one that needed help? The only help I needed was for someone to tell me how I could make my husband quit drinking!!!

About 7 years ago, my husband's sister and I decided to attend an Al-Anon meeting. I thought, "If you want to figure out how to make someone quit drinking, go to a meeting with a lot of other family members of alcoholics. Surely some of them have figured it out"! So we located a meeting at a church right in my neighborhood and off we went.

I hated it.

In all honesty I don't remember what they even talked about. I'm sure it was something I could have used and learned from, but apparently it wasn't my time. I didn't have the right information. All I knew was they were definitely NOT giving me the tools I needed to force my husband to quit drinking, therefore it must be a complete waste of my time.

Now that I understand that there's absolutely nothing I could have done to accomplish that feat, and I've learned the only person I've ever had any control over was myself, I'm considering going back. Maybe not to Al-Anon, but possibly to CoDA (Codependent's Anonymous) or some other support group. Now I can clearly see how working the steps of a Twelve Step Program can and will benefit me.

I'm still thinking about it.