Hard Day

Maybe it was the stress at work. Maybe it was the large Thanksgiving Dinner I'll be cooking a week from today. Maybe it was the fact my son was sick....I always get unnerved when one of my kids is sick. Maybe it was a combination of all these things. Whatever it was, I gave in to my anxiety and had an episode of crazy, irrational thoughts tonight.

I bailed out of homework early tonight. I needed to go upstairs and color my hair so I left my husband in charge of making sure homework got finished. While I was applying the chemicals to my scalp, my mind started racing. By the time I got into the shower to rinse I was having a full blown attack. As crazy as this sounds, here are the thoughts I was having in the shower:

"I know homework didn't get done. I'll bet my husband is out in the garage talking to his brother or his friend Jerry on the phone and the kids are running wild--probably wrestling. The girl will get hurt. What's she doing wrestling anyway?? She should be in the shower by now. And probably no one is attending the fire that was burning in the fireplace. It's windy out tonight, what if the living room fills up with smoke, or worse yet; what if a log rolls out? The living room is probably on fire right now! Did I just smell smoke?"

Of course, everything was fine when I came down. Homework was done, my daughter was getting in the shower. The living room was definitely not on fire. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I think nothing can get done in this house unless I do it? Do I think that highly of myself, or was this something born out of all the years when nothing did get done unless I did it? Those days are over, why can't I let go?

Nothing happened tonight to bring this on, other than too much on my mind. There for awhile these types of irrational thoughts were happening to me almost every day. I haven't had them for awhile so I guess that's good.

I'm doing better, but it became apparant to me tonight that I still have a long road ahead.