After The Storm

In retrospect it's really not that surprising that I had a meltdown this weekend. Historically, it seems like this time of year is notorious for triggering stress and anxiety in me. In fact it was just about this same time a year ago when I flipped out at the gynecologist's office and she sent me to see a psychiatrist to get on the proper medications. That's also when I started seeing Kate. Winter is almost over, Spring is around the corner. I hate Spring.

Yesterday I likened the anxiety attack to a storm. Today I felt like I was walking around the neighborhood looking at the damage. Limbs down, shingles off, papers and other debris scattered about. My chest is hurting like I've had an overdose of caffeine. I feel tired and depressed.

In all this, I can't stop thinking of the journal entry I wrote a few days ago about anxiety being loves greatest killer. I truly felt yesterday that I was grabbing hold of anyone who came near me, and pulling them down with me. I don't blame anyone who would avoid me, or not want to be around me at a time like that. I don't even want to be around myself. I'm wearing myself out.