I've always loved tattoos. When I was a little girl I often begged my dad to get one. I remember asking him many times why he didn't have one. I thought they were swell. Of course in those days the only people who had them were former sailors and bikers, but I didn't care. Oh how beautiful, naughty and forbidden they were! My eyes lit up like Christmas everytime I was around an uncle (my mother's side of the family of course) or anyone else that had one for me to examine. My dad has a bad scar on his hand and it is shaped a bit like a seagull in flight. It's got a bit of a blue hue to it so I pretended that to be a tattoo and knew that would be as close as I was going to get; at least for a long while.
Sometime in the mid 1990's when I was past 30 years old I decided I was ready for my first tattoo. But it wouldn't be just be any old tattoo, it would have to be something that meant something to me. After years of deliberating it, I finally decided to replicate the one found on the forearm of Steven Tyler from Aerosmith. Steven Tyler was someone I had always liked very much, and having read the symbolism behind the tattoo I decided that was the one I wanted. The tattoo is of flames in the shape of wings and there is a lace heart in the middle of them with a musical note inside. Over the top it reads "Ma Kin", the title of a song on their first album. Steven believed this would be the song that would rocket the band to stardom. Of course the album also contained a little ditty called "Dream On", but that's beside the point. Even though only die hard Aerosmith fans have even heard of "Mama Kin", Steven Tyler believed in it so much that he cemented it on his body forever. I loved that notion. Believe in your dream so much that you are willing to have it tattooed on your arm! So Miss Pamela and I headed to the tattoo shop and that was the tattoo I got. In those days you couldn't just go online and find a gazillion pictures of someone's tattoo. In fact, I had quite a time finding a good shot of it. In retrospect I guess it wasn't original for me to steal someone else's idea, but I didn't care. I loved my tattoo and still do.
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
The following two "Detach" journal entries will give you a crash course:
"An Answer to a Prayer" dated Nov 1, 2008 "How Did We Wind Up Here?" dated Nov 2, 2008
About This Journal
In 2008 I had the life changing realization that there was a name for what I'd always felt was "wrong" with me. After 20 years of thumbing through various self-help books. I learned about codependence.
I began writing this journal to document my journey out. Over time, it's evolved into something more. While I still talk about codependence (I know now, it will never totally leave me), this blog has turned into the thumbprint of my life; a therapeutic journal for me to sort out a lifetime of thoughts and memories. I believe in being honest with myself and others, and when something is bothering me, I reach out. With a support team of strong, smart women surrounding us, we can all continue to grow. I'm trying to live my best life, in pursuit of a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.