A few days ago I wrote about my years of struggles with communication when it comes to my partners (Communication Breakdown dated 11/20/2010). It seems I'm not the only one with this problem. I appreciate Mystical's willingness to comment, and some of the rest of you have shared your feelings with me on this subject too, via email or in person.
My friend and sister-in-law Pinkie, highly recommended I watch a film called "Fireproof". I'd heard of the film; one of my employees has a son-in-law who actually worked on it, but I never saw it until last night. Thanksgiving night I mentioned the film to Sara, and she told me she had a copy of it at home that I could borrow.
"Fireproof" is a low budget flick which I believe was filmed in about 30 days. The actors are not great. The lead is played by Kirk Cameron, who does an okay job, but the whole time I watched it I kept thinking the rest of the cast must be church members who volunteered to take rolls, much like a Christmas program.
But if you get past the low budget and the bad acting, there really is an incredible message. In the film, the main characters are very popular and get along great with everyone around them. One is a firefighter who is respected and admired; after all, he saves people every day. His wife is an attractive woman who works at a hospital, has lots of girlfriends, and is certainly admired by one particular young doctor. Yet as popular as they are with everyone around them, the minute they walk through the doors of their home the miscommunication begins and so does the fighting. The disrespect and the constant arguing made the couple believe they were no longer in love, so they were filing for divorce. That's when the fire fighter's dad stepped in (my favorite character in the movie), and begged his son to try one more thing.
The film suggests a 40 day program called "The Love Dare" to strengthen marriages, and bring ailing couples back together. Pinkie is going to loan me a copy of that. It also addresses selfishness, and how addictions affect relationships (the fire fighter liked his online porn). The film also promotes the idea that in order for relationships to work, each member of the couple should find their own peace with God.
It doesn't have to just be a husband or wife. I highly recommend this film to anyone who has found themselves constantly snapping at any of their loved ones. It's so easy to bark at the ones we love the most. You'll get past the bad acting, and just listen to the message. Thanks Pinkie and Sara for turning me on to this wonderful, inspirational idea. "Detach" gives "Fireproof" a major thumbs up, and I hope that because of this, I can pass the "Love Dare" on to someone else who needs it.
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
The following two "Detach" journal entries will give you a crash course:
"An Answer to a Prayer" dated Nov 1, 2008 "How Did We Wind Up Here?" dated Nov 2, 2008
About This Journal
In 2008 I had the life changing realization that there was a name for what I'd always felt was "wrong" with me. After 20 years of thumbing through various self-help books. I learned about codependence.
I began writing this journal to document my journey out. Over time, it's evolved into something more. While I still talk about codependence (I know now, it will never totally leave me), this blog has turned into the thumbprint of my life; a therapeutic journal for me to sort out a lifetime of thoughts and memories. I believe in being honest with myself and others, and when something is bothering me, I reach out. With a support team of strong, smart women surrounding us, we can all continue to grow. I'm trying to live my best life, in pursuit of a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.