Big Goals

Yesterday I was talking with a friend who told me something interesting she observed about herself. I decided to do a little research and found this information on the subject. I think it hits the nail on the head. This friend is a "Detach" reader. I hope she will read this.

The idea of laundry piling up until one is able to reorganize the entire closet is an example of "all or nothing" thinking. People like me, who use "all or nothing" thinking will often criticize themselves and think they are not as good as others. The reason behind this is they have created a different set of rules for themselves. They are much harder on themselves than they are on others. For example, "Unless I go into work early and stay all day and get caught up on all my work there's no point in even trying. I may as well lie in bed". This same person may say "I have to go on a strict diet and lose 50 pounds by spring. That's 5 pounds a week! I can never do that. I may as well eat a doughnut." That same person would support and praise a friend for even the smallest accomplishment. We often set the bar too high for ourselves, making our goals unattainable and unrealistic.

In the book "Feeling Good", Dr. David Burns suggests we write down our "all or nothing" thoughts just so we may realize how unrealistic they are. Then we can set reasonable, attainable goals for ourselves that allow us to feel good about ourselves when achieved. When we learn to judge ourselves on the same scale we judge others, the playing field is equal and everyone has a chance at success--including us.