Unhealthy Family Behavior, Part Two

So when my Dad told me my son's bad test grade was my fault, I held it together and responded to him in an assertive but not aggressive way. Unlike years past, I did not react like a little girl, I stayed a rational adult. I liked it! But then an odd thing happened. The minute I got to the car, the rational adult vanished and the role reversal began. Suddenly I took on the role of a child.

Me: I hope you know, Papaw just ripped me a new one and told me your bad grade was MY fault! I HATE when my Dad yells at me! I am not responsible for your bad grade, YOU ARE! I know you are perfectly capable of doing the work, but because you got a bad grade on this test, I GOT YELLED AT! Don't you know by now that when you do something he thinks is wrong, he holds ME responsible for it?!?
My Son: (calmly) Maybe you just shouldn't tell him everything.

Why am I hell bent on passing on these unhealthy behaviors? I should have spent the drive home discussing how my son could improve the grade, and consequences if he doesn't, not how my Dad yelled at me and made me feel bad.

Just as my father apologized to me, I later apologized to my son. Not for being upset about the grade, but for dragging him into a silly cycle my Dad and I have created. This cycle needs to stop with this generation. My kids need to learn that we all need to be responsible and accountable for our own actions, period. Not blaming anyone else when we make a mistake, and also not "rescuing" or taking on the weight of the problems of everyone around us.