I was doing so well. I'd followed my plan to the letter all day. Special K with blueberries and skim milk for breakfast, whole wheat crackers with a dab of cream cheese for snack, grilled chicken on a whole wheat tortilla for lunch. I had already brought out the avocado I planned to cut for afternoon snack. Yes, it was a well planned day......until "they" came.
Every year, one of the ladies who used to work at my branch spends what must be an entire weekend baking cookies. Thousands of tiny chocolate chip cookies that she puts into tins and gives to practically everyone. Today everyone in my office was handed a tin full of them.
It took me off guard, just like that carrot cake from a couple of weeks ago; only this time I did not win. I put them under my desk. I couldn't stop thinking about them. I decided not to deprive myself; that one or two of them would be okay. Then I would ration them for the next several days. Yeah, right. After those two, I ate two more. Then two more. Then I lost count. After about ten, maybe twelve of them I realized I had lost control. I felt like an alcoholic with a bottle. I heard one of my coworkers saying how excited her boyfriend would be to eat her tin of cookies. I walked over and gave her the rest of mine for him to enjoy as well.
It's not good for me to be caught off guard. It's not good for anyone with a weakness or addiction to get caught off guard. When there's a food I really like, I can go crazy. I do it with Marie's tiny chocolate chip cookies. I do it with mashed potatoes. I do it with Krispy Kreme doughnuts. I do it with dumplins. It's scary. Many times I've seen my good friend Mystical take a couple of bites of a decadent dessert and push it away saying "that's just too rich for me". I'm doubting that could ever happen to me. The richer, the better.
I think I learned today that while we have to splurge a little here and there, I simply have to have my splurges in a controlled environment, lest I stumble, fall, and screw up my whole day.
1 comment:
And yet Mystical is still F A T!!!
I wish I could push away that pasta, mac-n-cheese and some of those other desserts that I do indulge in. I guess I really need to take control of my eating because for too long now, it's been controlling me. I know that the biggest thing that I need to do is just cut back and start exercising. Who knows, maybe I'll find the strength sooner, rather than later to finally get my ass in gear. Thanks for all of your encouragement and I wanted to say that I am SO proud of you...it sounds like you are really kickin' it....rock on sister!!!!
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