My Mom: Repeat

Today, on what would have been my mothers 81st birthday, I am reposting something I originally wrote in August, 2014:

The other day someone was talking about my mom, and said "I miss your mom. She was so funny!"  But the thing is, the person they were referring to was my mom when she was older, sicker, and didn't have all her marbles. People thought she was funny because she said crazy things. After all, she had suffered two brain aneurysms and a series of mini strokes. The smokers thought it was funny that my mom would sneak out to the back yard or the garage, or wherever people were blazing up, and try to bum a cigarette. 

Personally, I saw that as very sad. 

I guess it just bothers me that most of the people I know, never really knew my mother. The woman that was beautiful and vibrant, spirited and intelligent. They only had a chance to meet the sick version, who would sell her soul to get to a cigarette; the very thing that took her personality, her looks, and ultimately her life away from her. 

It's no one's fault. It just is what it is. But this Sunday morning, it bothers me. 

Scent Of A Woman: Part Six

After I broke up with Design, I was on my own for a while. No relationship with any perfume. 2010, 2011 was a time of change for me. I had made significant progress in counseling, with codependence and in my relationship with my husband.  Medications were working for me and I was coming out of depression.  I was ready to rediscover myself.  I changed my style of clothes, jewelry, shoes, and hair. It was a time of new beginnings for me.

In 2012 I made a trip to South Florida to see Kitty. I still recall standing on the deck of an outdoor restaurant overlooking the beach, and giving Kitty a hug. I remember smelling something so wonderful. This would be the beginning of a new stolen fragrance for me. During my trip she let me borrow the delightful sent, Pure by DKNY. I fell in love. My signature sweet and light, but something new and different to match the new me. Since that time I have gone through two bottles, and this Christmas I asked my husband for a fresh one.  After a failed attempt at different stores, a sales associate finally told him DKNY had stopped making the fragrance. When this news was relayed to me I was devastated! You know the feeling when that special someone you are totally in love with suddenly leaves you, wiith no warning! I was so sad!  Now the question… Do I search the Internet in a desperate attempt to find a stash, or do I move on to something new?  I wasn't ready to let go, so I found a very large bottle on eBay. Being without my fragrance for a few weeks made me very grateful when I received this bottle. I feel tempted to order another large bottle while I can still find it. But part of me says quit holding on. Move on to something new. Another new chapter. 

I learned something interesting while writing this series. Something that may help when I do decide to move onto a new fragrance. With the exception of the very woody Lauren, every other sent I have had a relationship with is a vanilla base. I never knew this. So when the day comes that I am ready to start my search, I will have a place to start. Luckily I don't have to make that decision right now. But until that time I will be sniffing my friends just in case…

Scent Of A Woman: Part Five

We learned with Lauren, that I have no problem stealing a friend's fragrance. So in the late 1980s when I got a whiff of something very pleasing, I knew I would make it mine.

At that point in time, my company always employed several high school or college students during the busy summer months. One particular summer we hired a girl who sat in my area. Once again, I do not recall her name.  She wore this fragrance that was so wonderful I had to ask about it. I had to try it on for myself, because liking the way it smells on someone else, doesn't mean it will smell right on me. After a trial spray, and letting it sit for a few hours, I knew it must be mine! I did pay the girl the respect of asking if she minded if I copied the fragrance. She did not. Quite frankly, it would not have mattered if she disapproved. I knew she would be gone by the time the leaves begin to turn. And once I want something really bad...I usually figure out a way to get it. 

The fragrance was Design by Paul Sebastian. It truly was a signature fragrance for me. A love affair that lasted longer than most relationships I have had with men.  Design just worked for me. It was sweet and light.  It mixed well with my body chemistry, and it matched my style and my personality. My love affair with design lasted from the late 1980s until around 2010.

Paul Sebastian still makes Design. It was my choice to end the relationship. One day I just realized I was tired of it. It wasn't gradual. It just seemed to happen suddenly. When I did my fall cleaning last year, I found four partially used bottles of it.  I bundled three of them and sold them on eBay. I kept one very small bottle, which I keep in my desk at work. Once in a while I will dab on a little bit of it. I guess it is always nice to keep a momento from a long-term relationship. 

This fragrance represented a long period of my life. When I started wearing it I was at the end of a very bad marriage. If followed me through my divorce and into a very happy and carefree time for me. I wore it all through the happy years with my current husband and into the not so happy years. As melodramatic as it sounds, I believe that walking away from it, also symbolized moving away from that chapter of my life.

My friend Sally still wears Design and I love the way it smells on her. For me, it was just time to move on.

Scent Of A Woman: Part Four

After I broke up with Lauren, I was a little bit lost for a while. So I returned to my roots and began wearing another Avon fragrance. Pearls and Lace. I believe I discovered her in one of those foil sample packs inside the Avon catalog.  Back to sweet and light. Pearls and Lace was not ever a serious relationship, but it worked when there was nothing better knocking on my door. 

I wore Pearls and Lace for a couple of years in my mid 20s. 

Little did I know, a major love was about to enter my life.

Scent Of A Woman: Part Three

I don't recall wearing perfume later in high school.  But when I started college I found one that I liked.

I became friends with this girl in my program. For the life of me, I can't remember her name. Anyway, she smelled really good, so I asked what she was wearing, and she pulled a small bottle out of her purse and let me spray it on. The fragrance with Lauren by Ralph Lauren.  I liked the way it smelled on me, so I went to the store and bought my own bottle. It would become my first "stolen" fragrance. 

Lauren became my signature fragrance for the next couple of years. It is a vast departure from all my other fragrances. Instead of light and sweet it was woody and pretty strong. To this day, it is the strongest fragrance I have ever worn. I only use a tiny dab of it.  I still have a bottle of it from back then, and once in a while, in the winter, I spray some on. 

I always liked Lauren very much, and still do. But I never truly loved her. She just wasn't the right fit for me. Too many rules.  Did I spray on too much?  Is this the wrong season?  I don't like rules. 

Lauren is still available today.

Scent Of A Woman: Part Two

The first fragrance I ever fell in love with was Sweet Honesty. 

If you were a girl growing up in the 1970s, you and your mother had plenty of Avon in the house. Sweet Honesty was their scent for adolescent girls. It was very sweet and light. I loved the way it smelled on me. But the best part was it often came in cool little bottles. I had both of the ones pictured here. The furry teddy bear (my favorite) and the deer.  They were necessary staples that doubled as decor on my dresser throughout middle school.  Truth be known, those empty bottles may still be at my dad's house somewhere.

My youthful affair with Sweet Honesty lasted for a few years. Even into my early high school days. Then l guess I just outgrew her. It was time for me to move on. 

Sweet Honesty didn't just represent a young and innocent time in my life, it also represented a time in history. True, there were serious matters going on in the world, but in middle-class suburbia, the mid-70s was a great time for a young girl to live, love, and discover the world around her. Everything seemed so simple to me back then. 

To the best of my knowledge, Avon no longer sells the fragrance. 

They say you never forget your first love. I will never forget Sweet Honesty and I will always love her.

Scent Of A Woman: Part One

For me, women's fragrances are broken up into three categories:

About 75% of them give me an excruciating headache. 

About 24% of them smell really nice on other people, but when I try them for myself, they give me an excruciating headache. 

About 1% of them work very well for me, in which case I typically become quite attached.

I was getting dangerously low on my current favorite, so that was essentially all I asked for this past Christmas. Just get me a bottle of my perfume. It seemed like a simple enough request.  So I was totally devastated when I got the news that the designer had stopped making it. 

A signature fragrance is hard to find. Once you find it, you fall in love with it. It shares your most intimate moments. It touches your most intimate parts. You tend to stay with it a very long time, and may only have a few in your lifetime.  This makes it much like a lover.  Perhaps that is why it is so hard when the relationship ends.  Especially if you weren't quite ready for it. After all, break ups are much easier to get over if it was your idea.

This led me to reminisce about fragrances I have loved in the past.  I decided it would be an interesting mini series to talk about the ones I have worn, and where I was in my life when I loved them. Stay tuned--my next entry will uncover he the mystery behind the fragrance.