Tonight I feel peaceful. I'm not always sure what triggers peaceful days or anxious days. Sometimes the weather, sometimes something someone says to me, but more often than not, good days and bad days are triggered by my own thoughts.
Picture a very large stack of playing cards. Kind of like the ones at the black jack tables in Las Vegas. Now pretend each card has a different thought on it. For example:
This coffee makes me happy
I've put on weight
Angie looks cute today
I need to go to the grocery
What did that text really mean?
I need to clean out some emails
Survivor comes on tonight
Did she just give me a funny look?
Wow, that was a great session with Kate today
I forgot to answer Scarlett's question
I want something chocolate
I need to return Sally's phone call
Why did I just say that???
Now picture a dealer. Every 5 seconds, the dealer pulls a card from the deck and slaps it on the table. That's my thought for that fleeting moment. That's about how badly my thoughts often bombard me. Every few seconds, a new card. But then I get fixed on a card. If its a good card like "man, that was a great session with Kate today", then I'm good. In fact, that's kinda where I am tonight. But if I get fixed on one of those bad thoughts like "why did I just say that??" then it's over. There could be hours of over thinking. There are going to be distorted thoughts. There are going to be worst case scenarios played out in my head that would terrify any sane person.
So I have to try to think about what I'm thinking about all the time. If I find myself pausing too long on a bad card, I just need to ask the dealer to keep drawing until I get a decent one. As Kitty always says, "keep your thoughts positive or neutral".
Happy Birthday, Mama
12 hours ago