Even though I don't believe I ever heard him say the phrase, my Dad has always lived by the "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger" philosophy. It makes him angry to hear people say "I have the worst luck", or go around thinking "Poor, pitiful me". One time my Dad got a speeding ticket and said "I'm so glad that happened. It will slow me down. I could have had a bad accident". If life hands him lemons, he makes lemonade. The glass is always half full.
I try to live by this mantra as much as I'm able, but today I just can't help it. I feel like there's a black cloud over my head and it's starting to get to me. I feel like I can't catch a break! Due to a "break in the line" somewhere in the walls of our house, our home telephone has been broken for about a month now. Our options are to pay $300 to rewire the entire house, run one new jack through the wall into the house, but our existing jacks would not work, or just scrap the whole house phone thing. I'm all for scrapping, but then this opens up a whole new can of worms with the alarm system. So while the guy was investigating the problem, he somehow messed up our internet service. Luckily, that was a relatively easy fix. But he also seems to have disconnected the doorbell; so now we have no home phone and no doorbell.
We've had some problems with critters. We've had some mice, which apparently got inside the walls, and may be the culprit for the severed wires. So far we've captured two. A great deal of cleaning and bleaching has ensued as a result. Also, some birds got into the attic. Believe me when I tell you mice or birds inside your walls sounds like a monster. My husband said it sounded like a badger. So yesterday he was on a ladder outside trying to get them out and seal up the area where a vent got blown off and allowed them to enter in the first place.
Friday night, our heat went out. It appears it needs some type of motor. While attempting to keep warm, I plugged in a space heater in the kitchen. That seemed to work just fine until I turned on the toaster oven. It now appears I've fried the entire circuit, and we have no power in the kitchen.
This morning I was bent over sorting laundry, and when I stood up I felt my back "catch". I am now unable to stand up straight. This happens to me from time to time and I have a regimen I practice. 800mg ibuprofen, then a very hot bath with jets. After that I do a series of stretches, which usually works it out. So while I'm in the "hot soaking bath" part of the whole thing, I get a phone call from my daughter. She sprained her ankle at volleyball practice.
I am trying very hard to stay positive and focus on good things. The ankle doesn't appear to be broken. Dad's cancerous tumor has been removed, and the area appears to be clear. Our home was not destroyed by tornadoes. My body is healthy, and everything that is broken can eventually be fixed. And thankfully I have the money right now to do so. But right now I feel a little out of control and can't understand if I somehow got my karma out of whack, or if God is trying to tell or show me something. Maybe it's just timing; stuff breaks....kids get hurt at sports. I'm just kinda ready for some things to turn around.
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
The following two "Detach" journal entries will give you a crash course:
"An Answer to a Prayer" dated Nov 1, 2008 "How Did We Wind Up Here?" dated Nov 2, 2008
About This Journal
In 2008 I had the life changing realization that there was a name for what I'd always felt was "wrong" with me. After 20 years of thumbing through various self-help books. I learned about codependence.
I began writing this journal to document my journey out. Over time, it's evolved into something more. While I still talk about codependence (I know now, it will never totally leave me), this blog has turned into the thumbprint of my life; a therapeutic journal for me to sort out a lifetime of thoughts and memories. I believe in being honest with myself and others, and when something is bothering me, I reach out. With a support team of strong, smart women surrounding us, we can all continue to grow. I'm trying to live my best life, in pursuit of a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.