Running In Place

Today I had my first counseling session in three weeks. When Kate asked how things were going, and what all had transpired in the last three weeks, I was happy to report that I felt like I was making some pretty decent strides. Baby steps, or maybe even more than that. But the odd thing was, even though I felt like I was taking steps in the right direction, I felt that I wasn't actually getting anywhere. I felt like I was running in place.

The steps I have taken are mostly about myself. I'm working hard on my battered self esteem. I no longer feel quite so fat, quite so old, quite so unlovable and undesirable. I feel like I see where I want to be in my life and have a strong desire to get there. But even after taking these steps, things aren't changing much for me. I feel I'm still in the same place I've been for quite some time--in the front seat of a roller coaster that keeps going, and going, and going. Up hills, and down hills. Around turns and loops. Over, and over, and over again.

I'm ready for some type of change in my life, my friends. I'm ready to get off the roller coaster, and get on the straight away for awhile. I will be the first to admit; I'm not sure how I'll do that, but I need it...really bad.