Love lasts forever. At least that's what all the greeting cards and love songs say. But tonight something happened to me that made me ponder that notion. I was driving along and I heard a song on the radio, and it transported me back in time. You know how you hear certain songs, and it takes you back to the place in your life when the song was popular? Well, my mind flashed straight back to 1983; the year I married my first husband. It was our "song". A song about eternal love and bliss, and happiness, and forever. The song was played at our wedding and when we parted ways I would cry and cry if I happened to hear it on the oldies station. Hell, I might have even played it over and over on my cassette player, so I COULD cry and cry. But tonight when I heard the song, it didn't mean a thing to me. I still like it, and I still think it's a great song, but no pings to the heart strings, no sadness, no remembering what I "lost", no nothin'.
This made me wonder(again)...did I ever really, truly love David at all, or did I fall OUT of love with him? If true love really does last forever, is that even possible? Falling out of love??? Can you do that?
I decided you can.
I've been in love lots of times in my life, but I believe I only truly loved four men: my two husbands, Chris W, and Michael. As I confessed during my "Kiss and Tell" series, I will always love Chris W and Michael. Even though they broke my heart, I will always love them. But David....no. I have no love at all for him--none whatever. And I don't think that's because I never really loved him; I think I did.* But David didn't just break my heart. I believe I fell out of love with him because he betrayed me, and lied to me, and caused me four years of unequivocal, pure living hell.
So after some consideration, that is my conclusion. I believe you can love many times in your life, not just once. And with some people, that love does last forever, even if time and circumstances cause it to change. But with other people, it can grow as cold and rancid as a rotten tomato on a dead vine. If given the right mix of poison, love...even true love, can indeed, die.
*It is noteworthy to point out that even after this post, this is still up for debate.
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
The following two "Detach" journal entries will give you a crash course:
"An Answer to a Prayer" dated Nov 1, 2008 "How Did We Wind Up Here?" dated Nov 2, 2008
About This Journal
In 2008 I had the life changing realization that there was a name for what I'd always felt was "wrong" with me. After 20 years of thumbing through various self-help books. I learned about codependence.
I began writing this journal to document my journey out. Over time, it's evolved into something more. While I still talk about codependence (I know now, it will never totally leave me), this blog has turned into the thumbprint of my life; a therapeutic journal for me to sort out a lifetime of thoughts and memories. I believe in being honest with myself and others, and when something is bothering me, I reach out. With a support team of strong, smart women surrounding us, we can all continue to grow. I'm trying to live my best life, in pursuit of a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.