Saturday, October 11, 2014

Tell Her I'm Sorry

Ever since my children were born, one of my biggest fears is that they would inherit the alcoholic gene. It is prominent on both sides of their family. 

But now something new has surfaced. What if my kids aren't alcoholic, what if they are codependent? 

Last night my son attended a homecoming dance. Late in the afternoon he asked if a friend of his could come home with him after the dance and spend the night. My immediate reaction was "Sure, yes". But the more I thought about it, the odder the situation got. 

The boy in question has been friends with my son for a long time. I know he has been drinking at parties for the last year or so. I started to suspect the reason the boy was coming here after the dance was so he would not have to face his parents. I let my son know that the boy was welcome here, but that I was not hiding him or covering up for anything. As the evening went on and the dance was underway, the boy's mother texted me, verifying the story that the boy was spending the night. At that point I was positive something was going on and I was not the only suspicious party. I texted my son to inquire if the boy was still coming here. He said he wasn't sure, that the boy has been drinking heavily and he didn't know if he felt like dealing with him. I dozed off and was awakened by my son coming in the front door...alone. Simultaneously I received a text message from the other boy's mother saying "Tell your son thanks for getting my son home safely". My son then asked me to please relay to her that he "was sorry--he couldn't stop him, and he tried to take care of him".  The first codependent thing to come out of one of my children's mouths?  What is my son sorry for?  And how sad that he had to spend his homecoming night taking care of this boy who consumed a pint of Heaven Hill?  The boy's mother replied that she was just thankful her son was home safely. 

I had a talk with my son this morning, and told him I was very proud of him. He did not let his friend pressure him into bringing him here and hiding him for the night. He realized if he did that, he would be caretaking all night. He wasn't up for that. Also he told me his friend is angry with him now because he says they don't  spend time together anymore. I told my son that was a guilt trip in an attempt to try to get him to bring him here for the night. I told him it was likely his friend would not even remember saying that saying that today.

My son is a much stronger person than I. Of course I am still hopeful he will not become an addict himself, but now I am also hopeful he will continue to be independent and strong, and not become an enabler for those who choose who abuse. 

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