I wish I could remember who said this to me...I don't, but many years ago someone told me "God laughs at our plans". Often I think how true this is. Very often. In fact, I was thinking it today, while I was toting a large, sun faded Harry Potter cardboard stand-up to the dumpster at work.
Sixteen months ago, if you'd told me my life would be where it is today, I'd have rolled my eyes and laughed in your face. That's because sixteen months ago, I still believed I could and would eventually control the situation I was in. Even after all the information I'd learned and read, after all the time I'd spent writing in this journal, I still held on to that deep rooted belief that somehow, some way, the situation I was in was eventually going to get better.
I still remember the day that all changed.
I haven't had much to write about lately, because I've been waiting. Waiting for the ball to drop, I guess? Waiting to see how I would feel the next day, or the next week, or the next week. Kind of like I ingested a drug, and then sat down and waited to see how it was going to affect me. Will it be good? Will it be bad? Will the feeling change after a certain length of time?
I'm starting to piece together the series of events that unfolded from the day it all changed to now, and very soon, I want to write about them. When I first started this journal, I called it "My journey out of codependence". Even though I began planning and "packing" back then, my journey truly only started that day, a little over a year ago.
I'm getting this all straight in my head, but soon I will write about it. I'm not yet sure of the format; I'm working on that too. I just know I really want to write about it.
Happy Father's Day
7 hours ago