In this journal I talk about a lot of things, but tonight I need to send it back to it's roots. A dear friend of mine is struggling with an alcoholic family member who is tearing everyone's world apart, as alcoholics often do.
If you've never loved an alcoholic, you simply can't understand. You can't understand what it's like to sit back and watch the person sink deeper and deeper into the grasp of the disease and watch them slowly deteriorate before your eyes. It's the most helpless, frustrating feeling in the entire world, because no matter how much you cry, or how much you scream, no matter what you do or say, you simply cannot fix the problem.
In the years I've dealt with this problem, I've been told a hundred times, "If you want him to quit drinking, you just need to put your foot down!". People who say this do not understand the disease of alcoholism. You can and should draw a line in the sand that tells the alcoholic what you will and will not tolerate, but trust me when I say you can put your foot down til it reaches China and the alcoholic will not stay sober until they are ready. Because it's not about you! That's what we codependents have to understand. The alcoholic's drinking isn't about anyone else but them.
The best advice I can give is this. Educate yourself about the disease of alcoholism. The Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book is the best place to start. Then, decide how far you are willing to let the alcoholic push you. Decide how far you are willing to go. No matter how painful it may be, when they cross that line, walk away. Don't frustrate yourself by trying to rescue them, it won't work. Stay strong and take care of yourself and your family. Don't fall into that codependent trap. It's a dark and scary road back out, and you often get sucked back to the start.
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