Mary's MILFs

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If At First You Don't Succeed

As I stated in yesterday's entry, my first experience with professional counseling was not a good one.

I'm glad I didn't give up and stop there. I finally found the right fit a few years later and spent a year and a half learning all about myself with a wonderful Christian counselor.

We don't have to give up our power to think, feel, and make good decisions to anyone-including someone with a Ph.D after his or her name.

Therapists are like new shoes. You may have to try on a few uncomfortable pairs before you find the ones that fit just right!

My Ex-Husband

About 3 years into our marriage I started suspecting David was cheating on me, which of course he adamantly denied, making 22 year old me think I was crazy and paranoid. I don't remember how it all came about, but we finally decided to see a marriage counselor.

This was my first experience with any type of counseling and I wasn't sure what to expect. We went in and met the guy and started telling him about our problems. Let me rephrase.....MY problem. The counselor then asked me to leave the room. A few minutes later David came out and I was asked to go in alone. The counselor said "I just asked him to tell me the truth and he says he is not having an affair. You are going to have to find a way to get past this. Now, David is wanting to go to King's Island for the weekend with a couple of his buddies from work. I think it would be good for you to let him do this to build trust."

Well, if the Christian counselor says so, I guess that's what I should do!

Kings Island is a large amusement park located in Cincinnati, OH which is about 100 miles from our home. At the time my place of employment sold discount tickets to the park so I went in to work, used my employee discount to get the best possible price, and bought two tickets. I also booked a hotel room close and convenient to the park so they wouldn't have far to go after a long, hard day of riding roller coasters. I only got two tickets and one room because the other guys that were going already had their tickets and reservations.

I felt a lot better. I was doing what the counselor suggested. I was abandoning my gut instinct and trusting. I was being a good wife.

Of course I later found out there weren't any other "guys". David and his girlfriend (at the time) used the tickets and the room and had a romantic weekend together. Oh, did I mention I paid for the tickets?

Reader's Poll

So tonight I was watching a show about stress and how it ages your body--inside and out. It wasn't pretty.

One of the suggestions they mentioned to relieve stress was to practice yoga. I don't know much about yoga, but I'm intrigued. I'm not a patient person so the biggest draw for me was "instant results".

Awhile back I bought a DVD about Pilates but it looked to hard and I never did it. Can anyone offer any advice about yoga?

Thought For The Day

Why am I having such a hard time staying focused on my own life and my own goals? It sounds so incredibly simple, but this is not coming to me easily. I've been doing a good job taking care of myself, but I can't seem to stay there very long. I can't seem to stop obsessing about other people's behavior. I just can't turn it off!


I will try harder tomorrow.

Catchy Phrases Decoded

"Live and Let Live"

is a Twelve Step program slogan.

It's so very easy to blame our problems on others. But after we've detached and taken our grip off the people around us, what's left? Each of us is left with ourselves.

Melody Beattie writes "The surest way to make ourselves crazy is to get involved in other people's business, and the quickest way to become sane and happy is to tend to our own affairs".

I love that thought. I really, really do.

"It's all about me" isn't a bad thing. Learn to live your own life. Live and Let Live.

It's All About Me

Look, we all know I have problems with anxiety. No secret. I honestly could not count the times I have visited a medical doctor for some type of physical condition and been told this condition was directly related to stress. The first time I recall this happening was during my first marriage. That's when I got my first prescription for Xanax. The next time I recall was after my divorce when I went through a nasty breakup with someone I was dating. All ten of my fingers went numb. I was sure I had Multiple Sclerosis. The doctor diagnosed it as stress. Later I went through a bout of my hair falling out. Seriously falling out. Once again; stress. Next it was a series of digestive problems. This one actually turned out to be a combination of stress and a failing gall bladder. Next was a series of migraines. Next, chest pains. I was sure I was gearing up for a heart attack. All stress related.

Yesterday I had a lengthy visit with a neurologist to discuss the latest round of physical ailments I've been having. My ears ring constantly; quite loudly. I've been having balance problems. I flake out and forget things. I have blurred vision. The top of my head and both my temples go numb and tingle. My eye twitches. I have strange headaches. Due to my mother's history with brain aneurysms the doctor is running some tests on me for good measure, but feels confident these are a form of migraines, you guessed it....brought on by stress.

Don't get my wrong; I'm not saying these problems are something I made up, or something in my head. They are true physical ailments triggered by anxiety and stress.

I've been true to my recent pledge to review my checklist and concentrate more on myself but I'm fixin' to step it up a notch. I can't control the factors that cause me stress. They are too numerous to name, but the ones causing me the most stress lately have been work related. I'm going to work at being proactive instead of reactive. During my upcoming week's vacation I may even get a massage. I'm about to kick my healthier eating and exercise up a notch, and I'm going to abstain from alcohol for a month. I may even speak my mind about a few pesky things I've been bottling. I just need to cleanse my body and my mind.

So for the next four weeks, that's exactly what I'm going to do.