If you've known me longer than five minutes you've probably been given advice from me....whether you asked for it or not. It's the "Caretaking" part of codependency. Some days my office at work has a constant flow of phone callers and visitors seeking advice, or just a sounding board so they might think out loud.I like it that way.
Melody Beattie has identified several Caretaking Characteristics of Codependents. I shortened the list to focus on the ones that fit me best, but then I realized many of the characteristics on the list apply to some of my closest friends. I added them too. See if any of them strike a nerve with you.
- Think and feel responsible for other people
- Feel compelled-almost forced-to help other people solve problems
- Wonder why others don't do the same for them
- Find themselves saying "yes" when they really mean "no"
- Feel sad because they spend their whole lives giving to other people and nobody gives to them
- Feel no one is truly grateful for the help you provide for them
- Find themselves attracted to needy people (see yesterday's journal entry)
- Find needy people attracted to them
- Over commit themselves
- Say other people make the codependents feel the way they do
- Believe other people are making them crazy
- Feel angry, victimized, unappreciated, and used
- Find other people become impatient or angry with them for all the preceding characteristics
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