The First Step

My husband is a recovering alcoholic. Last night at a neighborhood Halloween costume party he drank. I don't know how much; it really doesn't matter.

It's the first time that has happened since I truly realized I had massive codependency issues, and started the long road to recovery.

This morning when I couldn't wake him up in time for work I felt that rage and those overwhelming urges to "control" coming on. That's when I realized I had two choices. I could do what I always do and wake him up with a lecture, then we could have the same argument that we've had a thousand times before, or I could try a new approach. I could practice the things I've learned from reading Melody Beattie's wonderful book "Codependent No More".

My husband is never a pleasant person when he first gets up; particularly if he's running late. That unpleasantry is magnified considerably if he's hungover. But for the first time in 15 years, I reacted differently. I stayed calm. I made coffee. I didn't view his action as an attack on me, but rather an attack on himself. I realized that if I reacted the way I always reacted then we'd have the same exhausting conversation we always had and frankly, I just wasn't up for it.

I realized I had taken the Codependent's First Step:

"We admitted we were powerless over others-that our lives had become unmanageable."

This realization was so empowering that I decided I would write this journal about my journey out of codependence as part of my therapy and recovery. I realize I've only taken the first step, and that I have a long, LONG way to go--probably the rest of my life! But for the time being, this will be therapeutic, and maybe I'll share some insight and interesting stories along the way!