Things We'd Rather Not Know

Whenever I start talking about meat, my dad tells me to stop. He's not disputing what I say, he's simply just decided he doesn't want to think about it. It's so easy not to think about unpleasant things. But the fact is, there are more than one billion broiler chickens in the United States -- more than three birds for every person in the country.

Chicken is cheap. Eggs are REALLY cheap. American consumers have no idea of the impact they are having on farm families every time they get a "great deal" on these mass produced products we buy every week at the mega mart. But if you are buying these products you are forcing American farmers to "go big or get out".

I haven't preached this in awhile, but get to know your food. Ponder the fact that while everything else in the world is getting more expensive, meat and eggs are getting cheaper. Do a little research about the farms that produce the foods you and your family eat. But most important, support your local farm families!

I Wouldn't Put Up With That....Or Would I?

It's very strange how you can hear something someone else is going through and think to yourself "Aw Hell Naw! There is no way I'd put up with that bull shit!", then you realize you've had the exact same thing happen to you lots of times, and you certainly did put up with it.

It's just odd how things look when you see them from another perspective. Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees, I guess.

Communication Breakdown

I love to communicate with other people. Whether it's talking with someone in person, by phone, text message, email, or writing in this journal, I feel that it is extremely important say what I'm feeling or thinking. So why then, have I always had such an incredibly hard time communicating with my partners? Boyfriends, husbands, whatever...I feel like they don't understand what I'm trying to say or do, and the feeling is often mutual.

This frustrates the hell out me. Good intentions go misunderstood, and maybe that goes both ways.

I would give anything to be able to get past this barrier. Often I find myself feeling jealous of friends and coworkers who have seemingly perfect relationships. By "perfect" I guess I mean they don't fight every time they have a serious conversation with their significant other.

I guess this is part of codependence, I don't know. Thinking one thing but saying another. Feeling responsible for other people's feelings. I just wish I knew how to move past it.

Coincidence?

When the television series "Desperate Housewives" began a story line about a beautiful woman (Vanessa Williams) married to an NBA player who's constant cheating broke up their marriage, my husband commented how strange he thought it was. After all, one of the shows stars, Eva Longoria is married to NBA player Tony Parker.

Now rumors are flying that the Parkers have filed for divorce after Tony was caught cheating.

Coincidence? Or was the story line created by Eva and the writers to send Tony a message?

Mary's MILFs

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Ouch

Something very strange happened to me this morning. I poured my coffee, and with cobwebs still in my eyes, headed to the computer to pay some bills, write the previous journal entry, and check Facebook.

When I brought up the Facebook "News Feed", the very first entry that popped up was "Mike Brown is in a relationship". Now if you'll remember back to some old journal entries, Mike Brown is the boy who grew up across the street from me. The boy with the infamous black Mustang that I loved from afar my entire adolescence.

Mike Brown got married young. His wife was (and still is) an alcoholic. He couldn't take it anymore, and divorced her several years ago.

So when I saw those words "Mike Brown is in a relationship", I just sat here with my coffee and stared at the screen like some sort of idiot. I don't know why. I'm middle aged and married, and I don't have any intentions of being single again, but for some reason I just kept sitting here, staring at those words.

I think it's kind of like when your favorite singer or movie star gets married. You know it's completely unrealistic for you to ever be together, but you feel put out anyway. I remember feeling this exact same way when Fonzie was dating that bitch Pinkie Tuscadero.

When I was little, I always dreamed that one day I'd be Mrs. Mike Brown. In fact, that was the title of a journal entry of mine (August 1, 2009). I've always known that this will never be, but reading those words this morning pulled at a little girl's heartsrings anyway.

Old Habits Die Hard

One of my friends has a family member who is struggling with a serious and potentially life threatening alcohol addiction. The family member has been sober a couple of times in recent months, but the demon currently consumes them. My friend told me that this family member gets drunk and constantly calls her on the phone; AA calls this drunk dialing.

So yesterday I was talking with my friend and before I knew what happened, these words came out of my codependent mouth; "So what are you going to do about Pat?".

Unbelievable.

After two years of writing a journal about codependence, something inside me still thinks someone else can "fix" an alcoholic. Something clicked as the words were coming out of my mouth, but out they flowed anyway.

I obviously still have a lot of work to do.