Happy New Year

I have a lot of hope for the New Year.

I had a wonderful New Year's Eve lunch with Scarlett today. We did a small amount of reflection, and we also raised our glass to good things for us in the new year.

2008 was an eventful year for me. There were massive changes where I work. Hell, there were massive changes where MOST of us work! And I'm pretty sure there are many, MANY more work-related changes to come. I lost my Mom in 2008, which was a major life event for me. But as big as those two things were, maybe the most significant thing that happened to me in 2008 was hitting my wall in August, and the realization that I needed to start working on myself. I plan to continue that work into the new year. Why, I'm just getting started!


Also, as Scarlett mentioned at lunch, whether we are Democrat or Republican, we all need to rally behind our new president so that we can start to turn this country around. I'm not much for politics, and truth be known I am a registered Republican, but to that comment I say "here, here"! It's time to put our differences aside and come together for someone who seems truly interested in helping our nation. Working together is the only way we're going to fix the problems we have.

Thank you again, to my support group; my closest friends for being there for me. Whether it's codependence, alcoholism, food addiction, shopping addiction, or any other addiction, we all have our own issues. Let's all work on ourselves this coming year.

Happy New Year!

How Was Your Day?

I cannot stress this enough; I absolutely detest forwarded emails. But for some reason I always get a little intrigued at the ones that include surveys about yourself. I even like the ones where you answer questions about your friends to see how well you know them. I don't know why.

Anyway, last night during my reading I found a sort of survey that instantly caught my attention. I liked it so much that my new plan is to read it every night before I go to bed and answer the questions as they pertain to that day. I think these questions could be beneficial to all of us on a regular basis.

Today, did I stand and deal with a feeling? I may have done it awkwardly, but did I do it?
Did I think about any of the Steps once, during a crisis?
Did I do something differently today than I would have done a year or two ago? Even a little differently?
Did I reach out to someone and allow myself to be vulnerable?
Did I start to get into shame or negativity, then become aware of it and get myself out?
Did I do something nice, gentle, and loving for myself?
Did I do something for someone else that felt good?
Did I do my work well today?
Did I deal positively with a bad day?
Did I practice gratitude or acceptance?
Did I take a risk?
Did I set a boundary, enforce a boundary?
Did I talk honestly and openly to someone and feel we got a little closer?
Did I own my power in a way that was good for me?
Did I take responsibility for myself in a way that I might not have before?
Did I take time for prayer or meditation?
Did I trust God?
Did I talk to God and turn things over to God?
Did I let someone do something for me?
Did I start to get caught up in someone else's issues, then practice detachment?
Did I go on with my daily routine, when what I wanted to do was sit and obsess?
Did I listen to myself, trust myself, and see how well that worked out?
Did I hold my own with someone who tried to manipulate or control me?
Did I nurture myself instead of criticizing myself?
Did I go to a meeting, read a meditation, or think about a recovery concept, even for a short while?

I like it. I hope you do too.

Mary's MILFs

As a young girl I had three huge crushes. By huge, I mean massive. And they lasted years. One of them was a real-live person (I'm pretty sure we'll talk about him another time). The other two were on television. One was a recent "Mary's MILF", David Cassidy. The other was Arthur Fonzerelli.

I had every poster, every teen magazine, Fonzie socks: every piece of Fonzie material I could get my hands on. I even had a Fonzie action figure.

Unfortunately, the longer the "Happy Days" series went on, the more mellow Fonzie got. But I loved him most early on when he was a bad boy rebel with his tight white t-shirt, black leather jacket, motorcycle, and duck tail hair. In those days he didn't say alot. He didn't have to.

I always hated that Fonzie's girlfriends usually looked slutty. I knew girls like Pinky Tuscadero just weren't right for him. In my basement, when I was about 12 years old, I remember dressing up in a poodle skirt with my saddle oxfords and my hair in a high pony tail. I had a Ronco record with a bunch of 50's songs on it. I would listen to them and fantasize about being in the Fonz's apartment over the Cunningham's garage, and......well, I just knew I was the kind of girl he needed.

In 1974 Henry Winkler starred in "The Lords of Flatbush", a film with Sly Stallone where he played a similar biker/thug character. He was hot in that too.

Yeah, in the mid seventies I was pretty sure I could fix him.

Quotes I Like

"When I repress my emotions,

my stomach keeps score."

-John Powell

A Line In The Sand

Tonight I've been reading about boundaries. As expected, most codependents don't have them.

Boundaries are limits that say: "This is how far I will go. This is what I will or won't do for you. This is what I won't tolerate from you."

Alcoholism and other compulsive disorders laugh in the face of limits. The diseases not only push on our boundaries, they step boldly across them. Each time the disease pushes or steps across our limits we give in. We move our boundaries back, giving the disease more room to work. As the disease pushes more, we give in more until we are tolerating things we said we would never tolerate and doing things we said we would never do.

Sometimes it is necessary to set a certain boundary that applies to a particular relationship, such as, "I won't baby-sit Mary Lou's children anymore, because I don't want to, and she takes advantage of me in that area."

Set boundaries, but make sure they're our boundaries. The things we're sick of, can't stand, and make threats about, may be clues to some boundaries we need to set. They may also be clues to changes we need to make within ourselves. Mean what we say, and say what we mean. -From "Codependent No More"

A couple of years ago I finally established a set of my own personal boundaries. Lines in the sand that must not be crossed. I like to think I'm strong enough now to enforce them, but fortunately, I've not been tested much.

It's pretty simple to think of a long list of boundaries when you live with an alcoholic. It's much trickier when you realize you need to establish them with other people in your life, but I'm seeing now those boundaries are just as important.

As with all codependents, it's very easy for people to expect things from me and when I don't fulfill their expectations, it pisses them off. This has happened more than I like in the past few weeks and it's really starting to annoy me. It would be different if I promised things and then didn't deliver, but when people tell me what they expect from me and then get disappointed when I don't do what they want, it makes them and me crazy.

Setting boundaries is closely tied in with saying "no", and we codependents don't like to say that word. After all, if we say no, people might not like us! This is an area where I need some major work.

I realized tonight that not saying it is costing me my sanity.

You Say It's Your Birthday

Today is my birthday. I feel good. It's my first birthday since Mom passed away but I don't feel sad. I made it it through Christmas pretty well too.

I've got a lot of work to do in the coming year. I'm going to be a better person.

But for today, my birthday....I'm happy with me, and I'm happy with where I am.

Merry Christmas to All

I've obviously been sidetracked with all the unexpected drama of the past few weeks. Couple that with the fact that the big holiday rush is on and I've been neglecting my journal more than I'd like. Hopefully things will be back to normal in a few days and I can get back to writing.

In the meantime, I'd like to send each of my readers a Christmas message.

Mystical:

Hands down, you are the most even-tempered, easy going friend I have. I've rarely seen you rattled, let alone freaked out about anything. Your patient and even demeanor compliments me well. Thank you for standing by me and understanding, even when I didn't expect you to. I wish you peace and security in the new year. Rock on, sister.

Sally:

You are probably most like me when it comes to processing things, and why wouldn't you be? Our kids are the same ages and we've both been married to people with addictions; we have a lot in common. In the coming year I wish for something great to happen to you professionally. It's past time. I also hope you will continue to make strides along with me. Working more on yourself and worrying less about others. Whichever life change the new year brings you, I know it will be the right one.

Madison:

You've been there, done that and I know I can always count on you when I need some wise words. Somehow you always have them. You understand how my brain works and my often irrational, insane thoughts. You are making good decisions and you're in a good place. I hope you stay there in the coming year. I'm proud of you for holding down two jobs AND going to school. I know you will be rewarded and I'm proud of you for working so damn hard.

Jules:

Since you are part of my husband's family you almost always know why he does the things he does, and more importantly why he does them the way he does them. You've helped me make perfect sense of things that once made no sense at all to me. You've never once criticized me or turned away your ear, even when I know it had to be numb from listening to my incessant ramblings. You've told me for years to work on myself and the rest would fall into place. I wish I'd listened sooner. You've achieved successes beyond anyone's wildest dreams and I know you busted your ass to do it. I wish for some rest and relaxation for you in the new year. Enjoy what you've earned.

Scarlett:

You're constant. You're reliable. You love me unconditionally. You've driven to my house every Sunday for the last several years in rain, sleet, snow, and hail because you knew that was the only way I was going to be able to visit. Our Sunday Afternoon Cocktails and our out of town Diventures have given me an opportunity to focus on myself and have some fun. Those are pretty much the only times I get to steal away with no responsibilities or demands, and I treasure that. You have worked so hard on yourself this year. I know you've already added at least ten years to your life and you have inspired me with your healthier eating and daily exercise. I've known you since we were kids and I'll swear in court I never would have believed your ass would be riding that bike every single day like you do! More of the same for you in 2009. Keep speaking up for yourself, keep eating right, keep working out, and keep trying new things. This seems to be working for you physically, mentally, and professionally. You kick ass.

Without you guys I am quite certain I would be in an institution someplace. I love you all, and wish the best for all of us in the new year. Merry Christmas, my friends.